Weightless
by lolitarun
Summary: Nick was always one to hide his problems from the rest of the world.  But when things go too far he can't hide them from his friends any longer.  Potentially triggering; rated for language and subject matter.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Jeff couldn't help but be nervous; they had been rehearsing for weeks, but lately things hadn't been going that well with their routine. And this was Regionals – if they didn't win, most of the Warblers would leave Dalton without ever getting a Nationals bid. Which would be a first in over a decade. It was nerve-wracking to think that they might actually leave this competition and have an entire class of Warblers never compete with them again.

The worst part was that Jeff could tell Nick was even more worked up than he was; Nick was lead soloist for the competition – a spot that had been returned to him after the group had turned against Sebastian due to the whole slushy incident with Blaine – and Jeff knew that the pressure was getting to him. Jeff walked over to the other boy, gently putting his hands on Nick's shoulders and squeezing softly. Jeff was surprised when Nick jumped, pulling away from him quickly. "Hey… you need to relax. You can do this."

"I'm nervous…" Nick whispered. Jeff could see that his hands were shaking, and he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss against the other boy's lips.

"You're going to be fine… you're going to go out there and be _amazing_, because that's what you are. And we're going to win this thing."

"We didn't win last year, and Blaine's better than I am…"

"We tied McKinley at Sectionals last year, and we would have beaten them if the judges at Regionals hadn't felt threatened by Kurt and Blaine's duet. We can beat them, and we can do it without Blaine," Jeff replied. Jeff looked up as they were announced, gently prodding Nick out onto the stage behind the curtains to start.

Things were going well, but Jeff could tell that something was still off with Nick as they started their second song – Nick's solo. The boy's hands were shaking as he walked up to the microphone that was set up at the front of the stage, and Jeff could hear Nick's voice cracking as he started the song. It didn't last long; two bars in Nick stepped back from the microphone and quit singing, swaying dangerously for a moment before he collapsed to the floor with a sickening thud. Jeff didn't even think as he rushed forward, pushing past several other Warblers and dropping to his knees next to the dark haired boy.

"Come on, Nick… look at me…" Jeff gently slapped the side of the other boy's face – the way he'd seen in movies – and prayed that Nick would just wake up and look at him. Jeff wasn't sure what was going on around him; all he knew was that he couldn't get Jeff to wake up and that terrified him. He watched as Thad ran up, loosening Nick's tie and checking his pulse on the side of his neck. It took a lot longer than Jeff would have liked.

"I can barely find his pulse…"

"Has someone called an ambulance?" Jeff asked.

"Trent's on the phone right now." Jeff nodded, holding onto Nick's hand and pushing the hair out of his face. He had to admit that he was relieved when Nick's eyes started to open slowly. "Oh thank God…"

"Jeff? W-what happened?"

"You fainted…" Jeff began.

"I have to get back up… I have to finish…" Jeff ignored Nick's attempts to sit up, doing his best to keep his boyfriend lying down so that he didn't overexert himself. Nick didn't seem to have enough strength to do anything other than lie there. Jeff looked up as a man sat down on the other side of Nick.

"Son, can you tell me your name?" Jeff glanced up at the man, who was looking down at Nick intently.

"Nick…"

"Nick, I'm Dr. Edwards… is it okay if I take a look at you while we wait for the ambulance?"

"I-I'm okay… I d-don't need an ambulance…" Jeff winced at the way Nick shivered.

"You just passed out in front of a few hundred people… I just want to make sure that you're going to be okay," the doctor replied.

"Just let him check you out, Nick… they're probably going to take you to the hospital anyway," Jeff replied. The boy closed his eyes, and the doctor picked up Nick's wrist and tried to find his pulse.

"Nick, does anything hurt?" Nick shook his head, without opening his eyes. "Has he been sick? Does he have any health problems you know of?"

"Just some allergies," Jeff replied.

"Has he eaten today?"

"I know he ate breakfast… he said he was too nervous to eat lunch, though." Jeff watched as the doctor felt Nick's forehead. "Do you know what's wrong with him? Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know… they'll have to run some tests at the hospital to determine what's going on." Jeff nodded, stroking the boy's hair as the paramedics finally came onto the stage. It wasn't until they arrived and made Jeff back away that he actually noticed that most of the people in the auditorium had been ushered out. Jeff bit down on his thumb as the paramedics worked, inserting an IV line into Nick's arm and loading him onto the gurney to be taken to the hospital.

"Jeff…" Jeff immediately took Nick's hand when the boy called out for him. "Don't leave me…" Jeff glanced up at the paramedics, who nodded at him.

"I'll stay with you for as long as they'll let me, okay?" Jeff smiled as Nick nodded and closed his eyes again. Jeff wanted more than anything to make whatever was going on better.

**A/n: So I know that I normally put these at the beginning of a chapter, but this time I decided to put it at the end. Partially because I wanted this to be a bit different than my usual stories, and partially because it makes more sense here considering the fact that I normally write these notes last anyway. I hope you enjoyed this chapter… if you're reading my Niff drabbles challenge story you probably have some idea of where this is going already, but I hope you'll stick around anyway!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

The hospital visit had been long and exhausting, and Jeff was just thankful that they were finally on the way home in the back of Mr. Bronson's car. The teacher was sort of the unofficial chaperone for all official Warblers activities, and he had been called to the hospital to deal with Nick's sudden illness.

Jeff had to admit that he was worried about Nick's health; the doctor had explained that it had been a combination of dehydration and low blood sugar that made the boy pass out – apparently Nick had gotten sick some time between breakfast and lunch without telling anyone, and that was the bulk of the problem. But while they were waiting for the doctor to clear Nick to go home, Jeff had noticed just how thin the darker-haired boy's arms seemed to be. It wasn't what Jeff had expected; in the past, Nick had always been muscular and he hadn't expected the boy's arms to look like sticks.

"It's already past curfew, so I'll have to walk you in," Mr. Bronson commented, pulling into a parking space outside of the dorms. "You two need to get to bed… Nick, if you aren't feeling well in the morning, make sure that you see the nurse."

"Yes, sir," the boy commented. Jeff let Nick lean against him as they followed the teacher into the building, doing his best to keep Nick upright. Nick was obviously tired.

Finally they were in their dorm room alone, and Jeff grabbed Nick's pajamas out of a drawer. "You get ready for bed first…" Jeff began, handing them to Nick as the older boy walked into the bathroom and shut the door. Jeff changed clothes quickly while he waited for his roommate to finish up in the bathroom. It took a while, but finally Nick came back out and walked over to the bed, collapsing across his side. Jeff rushed through brushing his teeth before he climbed into the bed next to the other boy. Jeff was quick to wrap his arms around Nick, pulling the other boy close. "Are you really okay?"

"You heard the doctor… I'll be fine, I just have to make sure that I drink enough water for the next couple of days," Nick replied. Jeff bit down on his bottom lip, debating whether or not he should ask his next question.

"When did you start losing weight?" Jeff felt Nick pull away, looking at him with confusion.

"Who told you I was losing weight?"

"I noticed it at the hospital… your arms aren't as muscular as they used to be, and you've tightened your belt a couple of notches," Jeff replied.

"You noticed that?"

"I was worried about you… God, you were so pale and shaky, and you couldn't even sit up on your own when you woke up again."

"It was just because I got sick this morning… I should have eaten something, instead of just ignoring it," Nick admitted. Jeff pressed a kiss on top of the boy's head.

"Why don't we just get some sleep? I'm sure that will help you feel better, and in the morning we can worry about making sure you get enough to eat and enough water. At least you won't have to worry about going to class for another day."

Jeff groaned when the alarm clock went off the next morning, followed shortly by a very persistent knock on the door. He got up, doing his best to avoid making Nick wake up as he went to answer the door to see Thad and several other Warblers standing there, looking worried.

"How is he? Is everything okay?" Thad asked.

"The doctor said he'll be fine… it was a combination of dehydration and not eating enough yesterday from being so nervous." Jeff kept himself between the other guys and the door, doing his best to keep from letting them wake Nick up.

"Is there anything we can do?" Jeff shrugged in response to Trent's question.

"Just do me a favor and keep an eye on him for the next few days… I think he's been losing weight," Jeff whispered, doing his best to keep it soft enough so that Nick wouldn't hear him. "I hope it's just been the nerves, but it worries me."

"Yeah, no problem…" Jeff turned as he heard Nick starting to wake up again. "We'll see you guys at breakfast." Jeff shut the door as the group of Warblers turned to leave, putting a smile on his face for Nick.

"Who was that?"

"Some of the guys wanted to make sure you were okay," Jeff replied, walking over to the closet and starting to get dressed. "It's time to get ready, anyway… we need to go down for breakfast. Especially since you weren't feeling so well yesterday."

"I'm not really _that_ hungry," Nick replied.

"You have to eat, Nick…"

"I know." Jeff was a little surprised at the way Nick snapped at him in response to his reminder. He really hadn't expected that. "I'm sorry… I think it's just low blood sugar talking."

"I know… why don't you just get dressed, and we'll go downstairs and get something to eat." Jeff walked over to the bed, leaning down to press a kiss against Nick's forehead before he went back to getting ready. He was just thankful that they didn't have to wear their uniforms to meals on the weekends. Finally they were on their way downstairs, Jeff following Nick just in case the boy started to feel lightheaded again.

Jeff couldn't help worrying again as he saw that Nick wasn't putting very much on his plate, but he didn't want to say anything that would upset his boyfriend. So he kept his mouth shut and put a little bit more on his own plate so that he could push it onto Nick's when the boy wasn't looking.

The most obvious thing about breakfast was the lack of conversation about the competition the day before, despite the fact that the whole group at their table consisted of Warblers. Everyone seemed to be sneaking glances at Nick's plate when they thought the boy wasn't looking, but they weren't doing a very good job of hiding it from Nick.

"Guys… I'm fine. I'm not going to pass out again," Nick finally commented. Jeff couldn't help but worry that Nick was writing off what had happened as though it was no big deal.

"We're just worried… it was kind of scary watching that yesterday. One second you were fine, and the next you were on the ground unconscious." Jeff nodded in agreement with Ian's words, as did most of the other boys at the table.

"I'm kind of surprised you all care so much… I let everyone down yesterday."

"I'm not going to lie, dude, we're upset," Andrew replied.

"But your health is more important than any competition," Aaron, Andrew's twin, added.

"And we know that you didn't do it on purpose… we put a lot of pressure on you at the last minute, and you didn't get as much time to prepare as you should have had." Jeff watched as Nick looked down at his plate as David spoke, almost as if he felt guilty about what had happened. Which was ridiculous, really, because Nick never would have sabotaged the group. He'd wanted to win just as much as everyone else in the group had; they all knew it.

Jeff couldn't quite put a finger on it, but he knew that something was wrong the rest of the meal. Nick was quieter than usual… something just seemed off. Finally they were done and the whole group started to get up and go their separate ways.

"I need to run to the library… I'll be back in like twenty minutes, and then we can watch our movie," Nick commented, referencing the standing movie date that they had every Sunday afternoon.

"You should be resting…" Jeff began.

"I need the book to do my homework before tomorrow, and I'm afraid the library will be closed by the time the movie's over." Jeff nodded, smiling at his boyfriend and leaning in for a quick kiss.

"Okay… I'll go find something good for us to watch."

**A/n: Alright, so I'm not all that happy with this chapter, but there were some things that needed to be said and I really couldn't find a better way to put it without taking this approach. The next chapter will be a bit different (I know for a fact that I'm going to write it from Nick's perspective, so that you all can see what's really going on with him in case you haven't figured it out already – the other characters, however, may not find out for a while).**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Nick really didn't feel well as he left the cafeteria. He felt too full, like he was going to be sick again. The exact same feeling he'd had the day before, right before he'd lost his breakfast. It really hadn't had anything to do with nerves over the competition, but it was just easier for him to let everyone believe that had been the cause. Explaining what was really going on – that Nick couldn't stand the feeling of being full, and that he made himself get sick to make that feeling going away – wasn't an option. Nick knew that no one would understand that he couldn't stand feeling sick.

There was a bathroom just down the hall from the library, which made it the perfect excuse for getting away from everyone else so that he could make himself feel better. It was an art he had perfected over the past few months – making sure the bathroom was empty, locking himself in the stall and kneeling over the toilet, forcing his finger as far back down his throat as he could reach until he could feel the vomit making its way up. As disgusting as it seemed, getting sick was a relief for Nick. It made him feel better, knowing that even if he had overeaten he wouldn't feel sick the rest of the day. Nick closed his eyes, taking a couple of deep breaths before he flushed the toilet and straightened up just as someone knocked on the stall door.

"Y-yeah?" Nick asked. He felt panicked, knowing that someone else had heard him get sick.

"Nick? Are you okay?" Nick recognized the voice as Brian, one of his fellow Warblers.

"I'm fine, Brian." Nick opened the door of the stall, praying that Brian wouldn't see any kind of sign that he'd been sick recently.

"I heard you getting sick…" the other boy began. Nick could see the look of concern on Brian's face, and his mind raced through how he could convince the boy that he was fine.

"I think I just ate too much at breakfast… I didn't really eat anything yesterday, and I think it's messing with me," Nick replied with a smile. "I feel fine now, really." Nick walked over to the sink, washing his hands and rinsing out his mouth to try and get rid of the taste of his breakfast coming back up.

"You would tell us if something was wrong, right?" Nick looked at Brian through the mirror, confused.

"Of course."

"And you'll tell someone if it happens again?"

"Yeah… I'll go to the nurse if it becomes a problem," Nick replied. It wasn't a lie, really; he would go to the nurse if it became a problem. But he wasn't going to go just because he'd eaten too much and he needed to make himself sick to feel better.

"You should go back to the cafeteria and get a banana… when you get sick, you lose potassium and that makes you feel even worse." Nick nodded.

"Yeah… I'll grab one on the way back up to my room"

Nick didn't actually run into the cafeteria on the way back upstairs. He knew from experience that he wouldn't be able to keep a banana down if he did try to eat it, and bringing something like that into his dorm room would only make Jeff suspicious.

"I thought you were getting a book…" Jeff began as Nick walked back into the room. He'd forgotten that part in his attempts to minimize what Brian had heard in the bathroom.

"Yeah… Mrs. Malson wasn't there for some reason, so the library's closed. I guess I'll just have to get up early tomorrow to run get it before class, and try and get the work done during breaks," Nick replied, walking towards the bathroom to brush his teeth. Thankfully Jeff thought that was normal behavior – Nick always brushed his teeth after meals, something he'd learned from living with a dentist for a mother. It made it easier for Nick to cover up the fact that he'd gotten sick again.

When he was done in the bathroom, Nick cuddled up next to Jeff on his side of the bed – which was really the two twin beds pushed together – and wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's waist. "So I thought a comedy might be a good thing. And not anything too graphic or disgusting, so I picked _Bridesmaids_."

"Sounds good," Nick replied as Jeff pressed play.

Nick didn't remember falling asleep, but he knew that he had been when he woke up to a round wet patch of fabric under his mouth on Jeff's chest.

"You should have woken me up…" Nick began.

"You were sleeping so peacefully… after yesterday I figured you could use the sleep." Nick nodded, trying to ignore the way his stomach growled. "Nick, you're shaking…"

"What?" Nick looked down at his hands, surprised to see that Jeff was right. "Oh…"

"Do you feel okay?" Jeff asked. Nick felt strange about the way Jeff put a hand to his forehead. "Do you need something to eat? Some water? Maybe I should take you to the infirmary…" 

"Jeff… slow down," Nick replied. "I'm fine… I just need to get a drink of water." Nick started to get up, but Jeff stopped him before he got very far.

"You stay here… I'll get it."

"Jeff, I'm not sick…"

"But you are dehydrated, and I don't want you to pass out again," Jeff replied as he made his way over to the bathroom to grab a glass of water for Nick. Nick sighed, shaking his head and letting his boyfriend baby him. It was easier than arguing, which Nick knew wouldn't get them anywhere. And admittedly he did feel a little shaky, so it was probably a good thing Jeff was going to be hard-headed about all of this.

Nick took the glass of water as Jeff sat back down next to him, tentatively taking a few sips to make sure that he wasn't going to start feeling sick from that. Usually water was fine, but sometimes his gag reflex could make things difficult.

"Are you feeling better?" Jeff asked after a moment. Nick nodded, smiling at the other boy and leaning in for a kiss.

"Thank you."

"If you aren't feeling up to going downstairs for lunch, I can bring something back to the room for you…"

"I think I'll be fine," Nick replied, shaking his head. "Really, I just needed some water. We still have almost an hour before lunch… I think I'm going to go take a shower."

"Okay." Nick smiled as Jeff pressed a kiss against the side of his head. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Nick replied, standing up and walking into the bathroom.

Nick avoided looking in the mirror as he waited for the water to warm up; he hated the way he looked. He could see bones starting to stick out, but there was still so much fat there that he couldn't see himself as anything but fat and disgusting. He was always glad when he could finally climb behind the shower curtain and hide from the mirror. He was almost done bathing when he started feeling lightheaded again. He sat down quickly, closing his eyes and turning the hot water down a little in hopes that being cold would help.

"Nick? You okay in there?" Nick had to stifle a groan as Jeff knocked on the door to check on him.

"I'm fine… I'll be out in a minute." It took Nick a minute to be comfortable standing up, but finally he managed to get up and put his clothes back on so that he could go back out to the main part of the room. He grabbed another glass of water before he went out, knowing that if he even hinted that he might still feel dehydrated Jeff wouldn't question why he'd been in the shower for so long.

"Nick…?" Jeff began to ask.

"I'm fine… I'm just still a little dehydrated." Nick went over to the bed and sat down, letting Jeff sit next to him and wrap an arm around him as he drank the second glass of water.

"Maybe I should take you to the infirmary…"

"Jeff, I'm okay. I just need to drink some more water. It's not worth bothering the nurse."

"But if you start to feel worse…"

"Then I'll let you take me, okay? Just give me some time to try and take care of it first."

"Okay."

**A/n: So, obviously you all know what's going on right now, at least to some extent. Yes, Nick has an eating disorder… even though he doesn't see that it's a problem. And OMG… I loved that episode! I won't spoil it since it hasn't aired everywhere yet, but it's AMAZING!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

"Thank God… one more class, and we're DONE for the day."

"We still have Warblers," Nick commented, smiling at David's comment about being almost done with school. That tended to be the typical reaction on Wednesdays; getting through that day was always the most difficult.

"Yeah… Thad and I cancelled that. Ian wasn't too happy, but since we aren't going to Nationals we felt that everyone could use a break," David replied. Nick nodded as they walked into their biology class, thankful that he was going to have time to take a nap after class and still have time to get his homework done. But first he had to get through one more class. And given how much he was struggling just to keep his lunch down, he wasn't sure that he was going to make it without having to go to the bathroom to be sick. Again.

It was upsetting to think about; Nick always wanted to keep his eating under control, to stop himself from feeling the need to be sick so many times. The truth was, he really hated getting sick. But it was better than being miserable, which was the only alternative Nick could see.

"I actually need to go to the bathroom really quick," Nick commented, dropping his bag next to his usual desk and starting back towards the front of the room to check in with the teacher before he hurried down the hall to the bathroom. He locked himself in a stall, waiting for the other guys to leave so that no one would be there to notice that he was getting sick. It would just lead to more questions than he really wanted to deal with at the moment. It wasn't until the warning bell rang that the bathroom fell silent and Nick could go to work making himself sick so that he would feel better. It took Nick a moment to get comfortable with the idea of standing up again and going back to class; for some reason it seemed as though every time he got sick lately it made him feel dizzy for a few moments before he could stand up and leave the bathroom.

"This is what you've done to yourself… this is what was more important to you than being healthy enough to compete." Nick had not expected to run into Sebastian as soon as he walked out of the stall. "You're not even bothering to deny it."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Nick brushed past the other boy, going over to the sink and washing his hands before he got a drink of water to rinse the taste of sick out of his mouth.

"I _heard_ you in there getting sick… you can't deny that."

"I ate something bad earlier… I just needed to get it out of my system," Nick replied.

"If you have food poisoning, you should be in the infirmary."

"I'll survive one more class." Nick started to leave, but the taller senior blocked his path.

"This isn't a joke…" Nick pulled away as Sebastian reached out to try and grab his upper arm. "You fucked up, Nick, and you let all of us down. Now you're going to let yourself down, if you don't stop this bullshit." Nick shook his head.

"You have _no clue_ what you're talking about… and I'm going to be late for class if you don't get out of the way."

"I'll tell." Nick rolled his eyes.

"What? That I got sick? If it'll shut you up, I'll go tell Dr. Matheson myself and get sent to the infirmary to prove to you that it's just food poisoning." Nick crossed his arms as he spoke, hoping that Sebastian wouldn't call his bluff. He was starting to feel lightheaded again, and all he really wanted was to go back to class so that he could sit down for a little while.

"Then let's go… I'll take you to the infirmary right now," Sebastian replied. Nick pulled away again as Sebastian tried to grab his arm again, stumbling back into the wall. Nick felt Sebastian grab him as he started to fall, setting him down on the floor gently. "You're lightheaded, aren't you?"

"No," Nick lied. He closed his eyes, sighing and starting to get up again despite the fact that he felt as though he might pass out.

"You're shaking, Nick, which tells me that you need to eat something before you get really sick."

"Why do you even care? You're just going to tell everyone that it's all my own fault, even though you don't know what's going on…"

"I watched my sister nearly kill herself pulling this shit… given the way you're talking I'm pretty sure I have a better idea of what you're doing to yourself than you do right now," Sebastian replied. "I'm not going away, so you can either give in and let me take you to the infirmary now to get help, or you can wait until you pass out over there and I take you anyway."

"I'm not sick."

"Then why won't you go to the infirmary with me to prove it?"

"Because unlike you, I actually have to be in class. You're going to get me stuck in detention if you don't leave me alone and let me go back to class." Nick watched as Sebastian shrugged.

"I don't have a problem with that. I'll gladly take a detention if it means that you'll get help… I don't want to see anyone else I know have a heart attack before they turn 20."

"I won't…" Nick began, reaching out to hold onto the sink to steady himself as he felt his head spinning; he had a sinking feeling that he wasn't going to be able to keep himself standing up for much longer. He just really wanted to go back to class so that he could sit down.

"Go ahead and sit down… I'll wait." Nick shook his head; he knew that he couldn't give in to Sebastian. That had caused too many problems in the past. Even as he started losing the battle to stay on his feet, Nick still didn't want to admit that Sebastian was right. He couldn't be.

Nick was only slightly aware of what was going on as Sebastian caught him just before he hit the ground and picked him up as if he didn't weigh anything. "Come on…"

"Put me down…" Nick began.

"Why? So you can make yourself even worse before you get help? I don't think so."

"What happened?" Nick had not been looking forward to hearing the nurse's voice when they walked into the infirmary, and the fact that she sounded really concerned made him feel even worse.

"He was getting sick in the bathroom… he blacked out when I was trying to convince him to come see you." Nick opened his eyes as he felt Sebastian laying him down on the couch in the infirmary. "It happened on Saturday at Regionals, too…"

"Nick, can you tell me what's wrong?" the nurse asked.

"I was sick… I just got a little dizzy," Nick replied, closing his eyes. "I think it might have been something I ate."

"He passed out in the middle of the competition on Saturday, too… they took him to the hospital." The nurse stuck a thermometer in Nick's mouth, waiting a moment for it to beep.

"His temperature's normal…" the nurse began. "You need to get back to class, Sebastian. Can you take a note to Nick's teacher letting him know that Nick is here in the infirmary?"

"Of course." Nick turned his head and watched as the nurse quickly wrote out the required notes and handed them to Sebastian. "I hope you feel better, Nick."

**A/n: Wait… Sebastian is actually capable of being NICE? LOL. So I know that he's kind of the most hated character in the fandom for being sleazy, but I figure that there has to be SOME kind of redeeming quality in him. He can't just be completely evil… and having someone there who can see through Nick's lies could help him get better, because Sebastian isn't going to let him get away with it.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Jeff was a little concerned when he got back to the dorm before Nick; the older boy's biology classroom was much closer to their room than Jeff's art class, and Nick always came straight back to their room after class to work on homework until time for rehearsal.

"Jeff… " Jeff turned around as soon as he heard David's voice calling his name from the doorway. "Something happened before last period… all I know is that Nick's in the infirmary…"

"What?"

"Sebastian came by with a note for Dr. Matheson saying that Nick was sick and he wouldn't be coming back to class," David replied, dropping what Jeff recognized as Nick's bag on the floor by Nick's desk.

"No one said anything about what was going on?" Jeff asked, starting towards the door.

"No… Dr. Matheson just asked me to bring Nick's stuff to him, and I figured you would want to know what was going on," David replied, starting to follow Jeff out the door and towards the infirmary.

It was hard for Jeff to stop himself from running, even though that would have only resulted in a detention. He just really wanted to make sure that Nick was okay. Jeff burst through the doors to the infirmary, making the nurse jump.

"Good grief… Jeff, was that really necessary?"

"Sorry… is Nick okay?" Jeff watched as the nurse sighed, shaking her head.

"Nick's in pretty bad shape… Dr. James is in there checking him out right now to see if he needs to go to the hospital," the nurse admitted. "He should be out soon, and if we aren't taking Nick to the ER you can see him after that." Jeff reached up, raking a hand through his hair out of frustration.

"What's wrong with Nick?" David asked.

"He's pretty dehydrated. Sebastian said he'd gotten sick and passed out in the bathroom. I couldn't find any reason why he would have gotten sick, which is why I called the doctor to come check on him." Jeff couldn't help but bite at his bottom lip as he waited for the doctor to come out of the room. Finally the door opened, and Jeff glanced at the nurse to see if it was okay for him to go in. The woman nodded, and Jeff hurried past the doctor and over to the little couch Nick was lying on.

"Hey…" Jeff began, pushing some of Nick's hair back from his forehead.

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Kind of sick." Jeff sighed, leaning over and pressing a kiss against Nick's forehead. "I don't want to go to the hospital… not again."

"If you need to go to the hospital, you should go," Jeff replied. "If you're sick, you need to get help so that you can feel better. I hate seeing you like this, and this is the second time this week…" Jeff watched as Nick closed his eyes, sighing. "Do you need anything?"

"Some water, please." Jeff nodded, standing up and walking back towards the door. He stopped as he heard the doctor still talking to the nurse, keeping himself out of sight so that he could hear what they were saying.

"I'm concerned about his weight… I know you didn't get him on the scale when he came in, but there is no way he's over 150 pounds. I would be surprised if he's 120…"

"Do I need to talk to his parents?" the nurse asked.

"They need to know that something's going on… I want to take him to the hospital and run some tests, see if this is something biological or if it's a psychological issue. It's happened twice this week… that's not a coincidence."

Jeff stepped out at that point, making sure that the nurse saw him. "Nick asked if he could get some water…"

"Of course… I'll get it," the nurse replied. Jeff stood there kind of awkwardly as she left the room, hoping that the doctor wouldn't start questioning him.

"You're Nick's roommate, right?" the man asked. Jeff nodded. "Have you noticed anything strange about his behavior lately? Anything that might have worried you?"

"He's felt kind of sick on and off since Saturday… he's been drinking a lot of water, blaming it on being dehydrated…"

"He hasn't gotten sick since then, other than today?"

"Not that I know of…" Jeff began. "I'm not with him all the time, but he hasn't said anything about it…"

"What about before Saturday? Any strange behavior?"

"He's been a little more stressed than usual… but he got his solo at the last minute, and all of the Warblers were freaking out about all of the details of that performance because of it." Jeff smiled at the nurse as she came back with a plastic cup filled with water.

"Don't let him drink too fast… it might make him feel worse," the nurse warned. Jeff nodded, taking the cup back into the room with Nick and doing his best to avoid making any kind of face that might alert Nick to the fact that something was wrong.

"What did they say?" Nick asked, before Jeff even got over to sit down.

"They're worried that you might be really sick… Dr. James wants to take you to the hospital for some tests," Jeff whispered, keeping an eye on the door. "I think the nurse is calling your parents now to let them know that something's going on." Jeff leaned over and pressed a kiss against Nick's forehead.

"I'm not that sick…" Nick began. "I don't want to go to the hospital… they can't make me, I'm eighteen." Jeff shook his head as Nick started to sit up.

"Nick, please… let them run some tests, just to make sure you aren't really sick. I don't want anything to happen to you." Nick looked down at the floor and Jeff sighed. "I'm scared, Nick. You're never sick, and you've been feeling bad on and off since Saturday. This isn't normal, and I don't think you should ignore it." Jeff handed the cup of water to Nick. "You should try to drink some of that… if you got sick enough to pass out, you need to make sure that you drink a lot of water." He watched as the boy took a few sips of water without saying anything in response to Jeff's comments. "Please say you'll let them run their tests… you've lost weight, too, and I'm worried that you're only going to get worse if you don't let them make sure you're okay."

"I don't think I need to do all of that… I just need to get some rest and try to drink more water, avoid anything that's been messing with my stomach. I'll be fine…" Jeff glanced down at the floor.

"Nick… how much do you weigh right now?" Jeff could see that Nick was upset by the question.

"Why does that matter?" the boy snapped.

"Because I'm worried that you're hiding something important from everyone. I don't want to see you get hurt, Nick."

"What makes you think I'm going to get hurt? There's nothing going on…"

"Then why won't you answer my question?"

"Because it's a stupid, pointless question. My weight isn't something you need to be worrying about."

"I don't know that I can believe that," Jeff replied. "Dr. James doesn't even know you, and he noticed that something was wrong with your weight… I overheard him saying something about it to the nurse. And I think everyone's noticed that you've lost weight, not just me. I'm worried."

"You shouldn't be."

Maybe I have to be, because you aren't."

**A/n: So I have to say, I really wasn't sure where this was going until I started writing it, but I think it ended up in a good place. Because I did want Jeff to suspect something was up before Nick was ready to admit it, and that's kind of what I've set up here. The bad thing is, I was supposed to be writing my second paper of the semester and creating a 45-minute PowerPoint presentation to go along with it (no, that was not a typo – and that's actually not the longest presentation I've ever done for school). So yeah, the next couple of days are going to be INSANE between research, writing, and adding slides to my presentation. Oh yeah, and I have to go to work and class between now and then, too. Wish me luck, y'all!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

"I can't explain this… his weight, the fainting spells, getting sick. There's no medical cause for all of this. Which leads me to believe that it's psychological."

"I don't understand… are you saying that my son is doing this to himself?" Nick wanted to wince at the tone of his father's voice, because the man sounded furious. But that would have defeated the purpose of pretending to be asleep so that he could overhear what the doctor was telling his parents.

"It's the only explanation left. I wish that I could tell you this was something that I could fix. But this is going to take months and months of extensive therapy, and he'll still battle this every day for the rest of his life."

"It's just not possible. My son is smart, he knows better than to do something like this… you must have read something in one of your tests wrong."

"I know you're upset, Mr. Genovese… but I've double and triple checked his test results. The only problems I could find were the results of his diet and purging behaviors, and those will resolve when he gets help and starts eating properly again. But it's vitally important that he start treatment now, before things get any worse than they already are."

"I just don't understand how this happened," Nick's mother began. "He was healthy before he went to school… he'd gained some weight, but he was healthy."

"The football coach cut him from the team because he hadn't trained properly over the summer… he put on some weight after he broke his leg at the end of the school year in a practice, and he couldn't do much for most of the summer, but he was still healthy."

"What about at Christmas?"

"This is the first time we've gotten a chance to see him since the beginning of the school year," Nick's mother replied. "We were out of the country… James had business in Taiwan, and Nick needed to be back at school before we would have returned so he stayed on campus. If we'd had any idea something was wrong, I wouldn't have gone to Taiwan…"

"People with eating disorders hide things from everyone… it sounds like no one knew there was a problem until just recently," the doctor replied.

"What do we do now?"

"He needs to start therapy as soon as possible. But it's going to be a difficult road, no matter how we go about helping him. We have to convince him that he does need help, though… he probably won't be willing to admit that he has a problem, if he even recognizes that it's a problem."

"You think he doesn't know what he's doing to himself? Even after he's made himself this sick, he might not know that he's screwing up his health and his whole life?"

"His body image is so skewed, he most likely thinks that he's a lot bigger than he really is. It's going to be difficult to convince him otherwise, but he needs to hear it if we ever want him to get better." Nick felt his mother take his hand and press a kiss against his forehead.

"We have to do whatever we can to make sure he gets better…"

"I don't want to pull him out of school… he's doing well academically, and I don't want to screw up his chances of getting into college," his father commented.

"I think the most important thing is that Nick gets help… he'll need to speak to a therapist, and that will most likely determine what happens as far as treatment. I can't guarantee that a therapist will be comfortable treating him as an outpatient when he's this ill," the doctor replied.

"We can put him in a treatment center over the summer, when he's done with classes… this is his senior year, and I won't pull him out of Dalton. He's at the top of his class – I'm not going to destroy his chances of going to a good college…"

"James, he won't be going to college if he doesn't get help…"

"And he _will_ get help, Katherine… we make him see a therapist, make him do whatever it takes, even if that means deferring a year. The acceptance letters he got – those are all conditional on how well he does this year in school. And how much money they give him in scholarships is directly related to that, too. We can't afford to pay for an Ivy League school, or even anything outside of North Carolina, if he doesn't do well this year."

"School isn't the most important thing…"

"But without a college degree, he won't be able to make anything of himself. I won't let him throw away this chance… even if he thinks it's okay to starve himself nearly to death, he can't throw all of what he's worked so hard for away because of a stupid mistake."

"This isn't a stupid mistake, James…"

"What is it then, Katherine? He's done this to himself… and I can't believe that he would have done something this idiotic on purpose. He's too smart for that. This is some kind of misguided overreaction to a comment his coach made in a moment of idiocy."

"Dad… stop…" Nick began, slowly starting to open his eyes.

"I'll have Dr. Bennett come by this afternoon," the doctor commented, leaving the room quickly.

"Oh sweetie…" Nick closed his eyes as his mother leaned over and pressed another kiss on his forehead. "You look so pale…"

"I feel a lot better," Nick replied. "I really just want to go back to school… I have a lot of work to do, and now I have to catch up from today…"

"You'll have plenty of time to worry about that when you get back to school," his mother interrupted. "Why didn't you tell me something was wrong, sweetie? I would have come to help you…"

"There's nothing wrong…" Nick began.

"We know that you haven't been eating, Nick. And that you've been making yourself sick to try and lose weight." Nick shook his head.

"I'm not trying to lose weight." It was only partially a lie; Nick hadn't really been focused on losing weight for a while. "I just don't want to _gain_ any weight…"

"Nick, you _need_ to gain some weight… you weigh less right now than you did when you started at Dalton. And you've grown since then, sweetie. It isn't healthy for you to be so small."

"I'm not that small…"

"116 pounds." Nick turned to look at his father. "That's how much you weigh right now. That's about 50 pounds less than what you weighed at the beginning of the school year."

"I was overweight…"

"Barely. You were a little out of shape from being stuck in bed for so much of he summer… a couple of weeks in the gym would have gotten you ready to play again, and that coach was an idiot to cut you from the team completely without giving you a chance to try getting back into shape." Nick closed his eyes; he'd heard his father's rant several times over the course of the past few months.

"Dad… just stop. I don't want to hear about it again…"

"Maybe you need to hear it again… whoever told you that you were fat was an idiot. You were fine. You were healthy. And now you're slowly killing yourself trying to be thinner, to be… I don't even know what it is you're trying to do, Nick…"

"I'm trying to be what I'm supposed to be. I'm trying to be what everyone else wants me to be," Nick muttered.

"What is that?" his mother asked.

"Perfect."

**A/n: So I finally managed another chapter. It's taken a bit of time because I had a paper due earlier today and a 45-minute presentation to go along with it. Now I need to do laundry, and I'm relaxing and watching ED documentaries on YouTube as research for this fic. And there are a LOT of them, so I have plenty of source material to draw from.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Nick really hated the way everyone at Dalton was staring at him. The Dalton rumor mill had somehow heard about his trip to the hospital, as well as the fact that he had been diagnosed with some kind of psychological problem. He'd heard various different rumors about what was wrong – everything from a suicide attempt to schizophrenic symptoms. Somehow no one other than Sebastian had figured out the truth. And Nick had to admit that he was thankful that the other boy wasn't saying anything about what he knew.

"I wish you would just tell me what the doctor said…I want to help you, Nick…" Nick closed his eyes, sighing at Jeff's begging to know what was going on. "Please, Nick. You don't seem to be getting better."

"Why does it really matter?"

"You're sick, and there's nothing I can do to help you if you won't tell me what's wrong," Jeff replied. "I just want to help you." Nick felt the bed shift as Jeff laid down next to him, slowly starting to run a hand over Nick's stomach until Nick shoved his hand away. "I don't understand, Nick! You don't want me to touch you anymore, you're always tired, and you refuse to tell _anyone_ what's wrong with you even though we know something's going on because you came back with the pills that you refuse to take…" Nick opened his eyes as Jeff slowed to a stop in his tirade for a moment. "Because you don't care that you're sick." Nick sat up as Jeff started moving away from him.

"Jeff…"

"No… you really just don't care that you're sick, do you? You don't want to get better."

"I'm not sick…" Nick began. He watched as Jeff went into the drawer of his desk, where Nick had stashed the pill bottles he'd left the hospital with. "What are you doing?" Nick closed his eyes as Jeff pulled the bottles out of the drawer.

"Olanzapine. Fluoxetine. Vitamins… Nick, what _is_ this? These… why aren't you taking these pills, Nick? Why won't you tell me why they gave you these?"

"Because I don't have a problem…"

"They put you on an anti-depressant… and I don't even know what the other one was, but it has to be something serious." Nick sighed and shook his head as Jeff brought the bottles to him, reading all of the labels and pulling out pills, handing them to Nick. "I want you to take them, Nick. Whatever's going on, the doctor thinks you need these. And I think we should trust him…"

"It's not your choice."

"I could call your parents." Nick scoffed.

"My dad's main concern was whether or not I was going to screw up my academic record and fuck up everything I've been working towards for the past four years," Nick replied. "The psychiatrist wanted them to take me out of school here… he said that the pressure was too much, that it was just going to make things worse. My dad refused."

"Why did they want you to leave Dalton?"

"They keep saying I have an eating disorder. That I'm 'sick' and it's only going to get worse. But it isn't true…" Nick shook his head as he spoke. "I'm just… I'm tired or something. But I'm not sick, no matter what they try to tell my parents." Nick felt Jeff put a hand on his, standing up and pulling Nick to his feet.

"Come with me." Nick followed reluctantly, groaning as Jeff stood him in front of the mirror. "Just look at yourself… _look_." Nick closed his eyes when Jeff tried to turn his face towards the glass. "Please… just tell me what you see in the mirror."

"This is stupid…"

"What have you eaten today?" Jeff asked. "I mean other than the banana you had at breakfast…" Nick pulled away from his boyfriend, turning around and shaking his head.

"You believe them."

"What they say makes sense…"

"No, Jeff, it doesn't… because I'm not sick. I'm _fine_."

"Nick…" Nick shook his head, walking away from Jeff and opening the door of their dorm room.

"I'm going for a walk."

"Nick!"

Nick didn't really pay attention to where he was going as he walked; he just wanted to get as far away from Jeff as possible. He didn't even really take notice of the fact that he was leaving the school's grounds – a no-no on school nights without explicit written permission. He just didn't care.

By the time Nick actually realized what he was doing, he was well beyond the area around the school that he actually knew, and to be honest he was lost. No keys, no cell phone, and no real idea of what he should do. All he really knew as he sat down by the side of the road was that he wanted to be left alone. And he was, for a while.

He recognized the dark blue color of a police car pulling up beside him without even really looking at it. "Son… everything okay?"

"I'm lost…" Nick admitted, looking up. "I wasn't paying attention, and I walked further than I intended to…"

"Where are you supposed to be?" the officer asked, getting out of the squad car.

"Dalton…"

"That's more than three miles from here…" the man began. Nick sighed. That meant he'd been gone for more than an hour. Everyone was probably already starting to freak out about the fact that he was gone and he didn't have a phone with him. "Come on… I was on the way home, but I'll turn around and take you back." Nick nodded, standing up and getting into the back seat of the cruiser as the officer opened the door.

"Is something going on?" the officer asked as he got back into the front seat. "I thought you Dalton boys weren't allowed off campus during the week…" Nick shrugged, staring out the window as the officer started driving back towards the school. "Hey… look, as long as it isn't anything illegal, you aren't going to get into any trouble for telling me."

"I just fought with my roommate. I needed to get away from him."

"So you broke the rules at school to get away from your roommate?" Nick shrugged. He didn't really care that he'd broken the rules. "You'll be in trouble, won't you?"

"That's the least of my worries," Nick admitted. He closed his eyes, sighing.

"You're what… seventeen? The biggest worry you've probably got is getting your homework done and not getting caught sneaking out…" Nick bit down on his bottom lip, looking out the window and realizing that he knew where he was now.

"I'd rather walk the rest of the way."

"I don't think…"

"I'd rather walk. Please just stop and let me out." It bothered Nick that there wasn't a handle in the back, effectively trapping him behind the cage even though he wasn't under arrest.

"I'd rather drop you on campus, for your own safety." Nick started running his hand over the door, trying to figure out some way out. He felt panicked, suddenly worrying that something horrible was going to happen if he didn't get out of the car.

"I have to get out of here… I can't do this, I have to get out…" he began.

"Hey, hey… calm down… we're almost there, and then I'll let you out."

"_Please!_" Nick couldn't stop the tears from burning at his eyes and running down his face. He was hyperventilating, and it hurt like hell.

"I'm pulling over… just calm down, kid…" As soon as the officer opened the door, Nick was out and leaning against the side of the car, trying to breathe again. Nick jumped as the man put a hand on him.

"Don't touch me!" Nick pulled way, starting to walk again.

"Kid, where are you going?"

"Back to school!" Nick pulled his blazer tighter around his body, suddenly cold.

"You can't do that…"

"Unless I'm under arrest, I can!"

Nick ignored the fact that the officer was following him as he walked, driving slowly behind him all the way up to the gates. He really didn't care; he just… he needed to figure out what was going on in his head, what he needed to do to get things back on track. Because he couldn't keep going without a plan. He would never convince everyone that he was really okay if he didn't figure this out.

**A/n: So I decided to try to get this chapter up as quickly as possible, because I know some people are really interested in where this is going and want an update soon. I'm… not as pleased as I could be with this chapter, but I'm okay with that because I don't have the time to perfect all of these chapters and I know that y'all like my quick updates. It serves the purpose I need it to serve within the story, and it's not a bad chapter, so I'm content with it as it is.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

The grandfather clock in the headmaster's office was ridiculously loud, and all Nick really wanted to do was get out of his seat and stop the pendulum from swinging so that it would stop. But he knew that messing with it would only serve to get him into more trouble.

"I don't even know where to begin with you right now, Mr. Genovese… you have so much potential, but lately you've seemed determined to waste every bit of it." Nick didn't respond to the headmaster's words. "I know that your health is in serious jeopardy, a fact that you seem to be ignoring. Along with the rules of this institution. I don't want to be forced to suspend or expel you this close to graduation, Nick. Not when you're in line to be the valedictorian." Nick shifted uncomfortably in his seat under the man's gaze. "I'd like to hear what you have to say for yourself."

"I'm not sure there's anything I can say."

"What do you mean?" the headmaster asked. Nick didn't look at him, but he could hear the confusion in his voice. Nick shrugged.

"I can't explain myself. I don't know _why_ I did that."

"Did what? Left school property, or started starving yourself?" Nick sighed.

"I'm not starving myself…" he began.

"I've spoken with your parents. And Sebastian Smythe. The only reason you're still here is because your parents assured me that you were getting help. And now I hear from your roommate that you aren't taking the medications that were prescribed for you while you were in the hospital."

"I'm not sick, " Nick replied, shaking his head.

"You're in denial." Nick looked up and watched the man as he looked around the room, as if he was searching for the words to say. "I can give you a chance, Nick. To prove that you can handle being here at school while you work on these issues. But only if you want it."

"I don't understand…" Nick shook his head as he spoke.

"I shouldn't allow you to remain at Dalton under these circumstances, Nick. I'm not an idiot… I know that your father is the only reason you aren't in a treatment center getting the help you need, because he thinks it can wait until you've finished here at Dalton. I_ swore_ after the last student with an eating disorder I wouldn't let another student stay on campus with a problem like this unless they were in recovery."

"You're kicking me out…" Nick began.

"No. But you are not to leave campus except for therapist appointments, which are mandatory. And you're going to see the nurse every day to be weighed… if you continue to lose weight, we'll have to call in your parents to reassess this situation. And the nurse will be responsible for your medications, as well, to make sure that you are actually taking them. I will _not_ let you do this to yourself on my watch, Nick."

"And if I don't agree?" Nick asked softly.

"If you don't agree to these terms, you can go back to your room right now and start packing because I will call your parents and tell them that you are no longer welcome on this campus," the man replied.

"I don't want to leave."

"Then you'll follow these rules." Nick nodded. "Go to your room and get your medication, and then take it down to the nurse. She'll weigh you this morning, and then you'll need to take your medication and go down to breakfast before class. And you'll eat, understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"You may go." Nick got up and walked out of the room, not that surprised to discover that Jeff was waiting for him just outside the office.

"What did he say?"

"I'm on campus arrest… probably until the end of the year. Except to go to see the damned therapist, and I _have_ to go unless I want to be sent home. I have to eat, I have to take the damn pills, and I have to go to the nurse every day to be weighed. And if I don't follow those rules, they'll kick me out." Nick jerked away as Jeff put a hand on his shoulder. "Please don't touch me."

"Just tell me what I can do to help you, Nick…" Jeff began. Nick stopped walking, turning towards his boyfriend.

"The only thing I want right now is for all of this to just go away… but there's nothing that you can do about that. There's nothing anyone can do to make all of this just go away for me." Nick couldn't stop the tears that started welling up in his eyes, prompting Jeff to come a little closer to him. Nick looked up as Jeff took his hands.

"If I could do that for you, I would in a heartbeat," Jeff replied. "Come on… I'll go with you, if that would make you feel better." Nick nodded, squeezing Jeff's hands.

"Please." Nick was thankful that Jeff was willing to walk with him, because he wasn't sure that he would be able to make himself do all of this without someone on his side.

Nick couldn't make himself grab the pill bottles, so he was thankful that Jeff was with him. He didn't want to touch them, let alone take them to the nurse so that he would be forced to actually take the medication. The medication that he didn't want anywhere near him.

"I don't think I can do this," Nick commented, sitting down on the edge of the bed as Jeff got the bottles. "I feel like I'm lying to myself by accepting that I have to do this, because I don't think I'm sick even though everyone else seems to think that I'm so fucked up I can't even take care of myself."

"We don't think you're incapable of taking care of yourself, Nick. We just don't want to see you hurting yourself… you don't even see how thin you've gotten, or how pale and sick you look all the time." Nick closed his eyes as Jeff sat down next to him, pressing a kiss against his cheek. "Come on… we need to get this down to the nurse so we can get you weighed and get some breakfast."

**A/n: So I thought about trying to make this chapter a little longer, but as I'm currently sick I couldn't really come up with anything good to add that wouldn't seem like it was too much.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Jeff held Nick's hand, waiting for the nurse to hand over the little plastic cup of medication that always followed Nick's weigh-ins. It had been a week since the intervention with the headmaster, and Jeff had been at the nurse's office every morning with his boyfriend, waiting through the questions about what Nick had eaten since the day before, whether or not he had purged, etc. He always hated hearing the way Nick abused his body, but knowing that he had missed it for so long was what hurt Jeff the most. That he could have stopped all of this sooner, if he'd just been paying enough attention.

"Can we go now, please?" Nick asked as soon as he'd taken his pills. Jeff nodded, smiling slightly.

"Yeah, let's go get some breakfast." Jeff pressed a soft kiss against Nick's temple, noting how upset the boy looked. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just ready to be out of here. I don't like doing all of this… it's stupid." Jeff sighed, shaking his head and putting an arm around Nick's shoulders as they walked.

"I know it isn't something you're happy with, but it really is helping you, Nick. You're starting to look healthy again…"

"I _was_ healthy. I've never been sick, Jeff…" Jeff closed his eyes, sighing and shaking his head. He knew that Nick didn't believe that there was anything wrong with his diet or his body, despite what everyone else could see.

"I wish I could show you, Nick. I wish you could _see_ what I'm seeing when I look at you… how amazing you looked when I met you, how sexy you were before you started losing so much weight. How scary it was for me to realize that you were turning into a walking skeleton. That you were going to kill yourself if you didn't stop. And it terrified me…"

"You have no reason to worry about me…"

"You passed out and ended up in the hospital twice. Obviously something's wrong, Nick. And I don't want to see you kill yourself over something that I can't understand…"

"I'm just trying to give everyone else what they want… everyone expects me to be so perfect all the time. I'm just trying to give all of you what you want…"

"I don't expect you to be perfect," Jeff replied, gently squeezing the other boy. "I want you to be happy… and healthy. And yourself, more than anything else. You already were perfect, exactly the way you were before you started all of this." He stopped walking as Nick pulled away from him, shaking his head. "Don't start arguing with me about this, Nick. I know how you feel, but you aren't seeing how amazing you really are… you let someone who doesn't know what they're talking about tell you that you were fat when you were just a little out of shape from being injured. If he had just given you a couple of weeks to work, you could have been better than ever. But he fucked with your head, and he told you that you were fat because he wasn't willing to give you a chance to prove yourself."

"He was right…" Nick began.

"He's a fucking idiot! You were perfect… you were amazing. You just got dealt a really shitty hand because you got hurt at exactly the wrong time."

"I could have worked harder over the summer… once the cast came off, I could have worked harder at physical therapy, I could have watched what I was eating better. I _should_ have done all of those things so that I wouldn't have been kicked off the team."

"Nick, you'd gained like five pounds! That's hardly anything… most babies weigh more than that!" Jeff watched as Nick turned, shaking his head and starting to walk away from the cafeteria. "Nick, you have to eat!"

"Fuck you!" Jeff sighed, shaking his head. He wanted to follow his boyfriend, and part of him knew that he probably _should_ follow Nick, if only to make sure that he wasn't going to do anything to hurt himself. But Jeff was hurt; he'd only wanted to help Nick, but somehow the boy had taken offense at Jeff's attempts to reassure him that he _wasn't_ fat. To be honest, Jeff couldn't figure out exactly _what_ it was that Nick was thinking. Even after two weeks of dealing with all of this – two weeks of knowing that _something_ was wrong – Jeff still couldn't figure out what Nick was thinking or where those thoughts were coming from. None of it made sense to him.

"Good morning, Jeff. I would have expected to see you attached to Nick's hip, as usual." Jeff was not happy to hear Sebastian's voice as he turned around.

"What do you want, Smythe? I'm not in the mood to deal with you today, too…"

"Touchy… let me guess, Nick freaked out on you?" Jeff nodded. "Get used to it. Until he's ready to admit that he has a problem, you're going to start a fight every time you try to tell him the truth about his body." Jeff raised an eyebrow, a little confused. He knew that Nick hadn't said a word to anyone about being diagnosed with an eating disorder, and Jeff certainly hadn't told anyone because he didn't feel as though it was his place.

"Wait… you…?"

"I know Nick has an eating disorder. I've known since I found him in the bathroom… my sister's had an eating disorder since she was twelve. Anorexia, bulimia… I've seen it all. And it all sucks." Jeff shook his head.

"Please tell me there's something I can do… something that would work to show him how screwed up his body image is…"

"I'm not going to lie to you. He has to _want_ to get better, or nothing you do will change anything," Sebastian replied. "I don't think he's going to hit rock bottom while he's here, and until that happens he's never going to get better. I'm kind of surprised his parents are letting him stay…"

"His dad doesn't want to pull him out of school… he's afraid it'll mess up Nick's chances of going to Yale or Harvard or whatever, because all college acceptances are conditional until graduation. I think he's afraid Nick won't graduate if he leaves to get help now…"

"Nick may not survive this if he doesn't."

**A/n: So yes, more nice Sebastian… well, more like worried Seb. Because in my mind, I think he actually does consider the other Warblers as his friends, but doesn't really know **_**how**_** to behave like a friend (my headcanon has him transferring schools pretty often and not really ever getting close to anyone because he just knows he'll be gone at the end of the semester or year or whatever). So yeah… I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I promise, Nick **_**will**_** come around and realize that everyone else is right… but these things take time.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

It was lunchtime before Jeff realized just how big of a problem it was that Nick had run away from him that morning. No one had seen him since then. "What do I do? If I go to the headmaster, he'll be expelled for sure… but I'm terrified that something bad has happened to him."

"I don't understand… why is he going to be in trouble? I mean, other than skipping classes. But that's not an offense worth of expulsion," Trent replied. Jeff shook his head, sighing.

"Nick's been in a lot of trouble lately… last week he left campus without permission, and the headmaster said if he had any more problems he would be sent home. Permanently." The last thing Jeff wanted to do was tell the whole world what was going on with his boyfriend – it wasn't his place – but the other Warblers still didn't look convinced. After all, Jeff and Nick had both been hiding what was really going on from their friends – Nick because he didn't want anyone to know and Jeff because he didn't think it was his place. But he was starting to think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to keep this from everyone else. "Nick has some problems, okay? It's not my place to tell anyone what's going on with his life… but it's bad. He doesn't even really seem to understand how bad what he's doing to himself is."

"He's anorexic." Jeff turned around, sighing as he realized that it was Sebastian. "What? You weren't going to tell them the truth and this way Nick can't get pissed off at you. Besides, he knows that I'm not going to keep this a secret… I don't think it's right to help him cover up what he's been doing to himself." To be honest, Jeff was sort of relieved that he didn't have to be the one to tell everyone, not that he would admit that in front of Sebastian.

"It isn't your secret to tell."

"It isn't something that you should be letting him hide," Sebastian shot back. Jeff shook his head, not at all surprised that the other Warblers at the lunch table were looking at one another in shock.

"He's seriously anorexic? No joke?" Ian asked. Jeff nodded, sighing. "Shit…"

"That's why he passed out at Regionals, isn't it? He wasn't eating…" The look of understanding on Aaron's face was surprising. Jeff watched Aaron get up and start to leave the table, causing everyone to turn to his brother, Andrew, for answers. The older twin looked almost as upset as his younger brother had.

"Aaron's best friend at our old school was anorexic… she had a heart attack not long before we transferred here and ended up in a coma. She never woke up." Jeff closed his eyes, sighing and shaking his head as he stood up.

"I have to go find him… if he shows up, will one of you text me?"

Jeff wasn't sure how long he searched for Nick; he knew that he was missing class because of the bells, but he wasn't really keeping track of the time. He just really needed to find his roommate, because after Andrew's story Jeff was terrified that something bad had happened to him. The fact that there weren't any text messages from the rest of the Warblers – especially not from the guys that had afternoon classes with Nick – worried him.

It wasn't until he started looking through the dorms for the third (or was it the fourth?) time that Jeff finally found Nick.

"It's _not_ healthy… Natalie was like, 70 pounds when she died, Nick…" Jeff stopped outside of Aaron and Andrew's dorm room, listening to the boys talk.

"I weigh more than that…"

"Not by much… definitely not as much as you should."

"I know…" Jeff breathed a sigh of relief. "I just… I can't control it anymore. I'm not the one in charge… I hate it."

"You were never in control of all of this, Nick. You can't control it, no matter what you may think." Jeff stood there, listening as Aaron spoke to Nick. "The only way to get your life back is to fight against it. You have to break this cycle you've gotten into, or you'll end up like Natalie."

"I don't know that I can do this…"

"Hey… we've all got your back. Every single one of the Warblers is behind you, okay? And we'll do whatever you need us to do to keep you on track… even if it means that you hate us for a little while, because we're probably going to piss you off."

"Aaron's right," Jeff said, pushing the door open so that he could see Nick and Aaron, who were sitting on opposite ends of Aaron's bed facing one another. Nick's legs were crossed, and he was playing with something that sat on his lap. "We've all got your back, Nick. And I'm not going to let you give up fighting." Jeff walked over to the bed, sitting down next to Nick and putting an arm around the boy as he spoke.

"Do all of the Warblers know?" Nick asked.

"Sebastian announced it at lunch today… anyone that wasn't there will know by the end of the day, though. You know how fast things travel around here." Jeff squeezed the boy's shoulders as Nick nodded.

"They're going to hate me… someone's going to put things together like Sebastian and realize that what happened at Regionals was all my fault…"

"They've already figured it out. But we're your friends, Nick. Some people may be upset right now, but they'll understand… you weren't in control, the disorder was," Aaron replied. "I'll talk to them, okay? They'll understand… once they know what's going on, they'll get over it."

"And if they don't?"

"We've got your back. You've got a lot of people that really care about you around here. And I think even Sebastian wants to see you beat this," Jeff replied.

"And that's saying something, because we all know that Seb's an asshole."

**A/n: So here we go, another chapter! I was actually rushing to finish this, because a coworker asked me to cover her shift tonight and I wanted to get this posted first, but I also still need to go to the store, do some cleaning, and take a shower before work and I only have a couple of hours. Anyway, I hope you enjoy… I've been a bit distracted from this story lately because I've got another idea I'm working on that's taking a lot of my muse lately (because those boys DO NOT SHUT UP, lol!).**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Sitting in the office of his therapist was always kind of uncomfortable for Nick, but this was even more uncomfortable because he was actually admitting to himself and the doctor that he was sick. And Nick was struggling with that admission.

"I know this is difficult, Nick, but this is progress. If you can admit that you have a problem, then you're that much closer to getting better."

"Everyone says that my dad is hurting me because he isn't forcing me to get help at an inpatient facility right now. That he's making me wait to get help, and that he's going to let me kill myself…" Nick began. He looked up as the man sighed, shaking his head.

"I don't agree with your family's decision to keep you in school through all of this. But as long as you aren't getting worse and you aren't actively hurting yourself, I can't say that you _have_ to be in a residential facility. I wish that your father would take this a bit more seriously, but I can't _make_ him do anything just like I can't make you do anything." Nick closed his eyes at the man's answer. "Do you _want_ to be in a residential treatment center?"

"I just want to be over all of this."

"It's going to be a long time before you're over this, Nick. You'll probably have to fight this for the rest of your life. But you're a strong kid, and you can win this fight," the man replied. Nick nodded. "I think that you can do this, that you can get through this school year."

"I need help… I can't do this on my own…" Nick began.

"And no one expects you to, Nick. That's why I think it's important that you're honest with your friends, especially not that you're being honest with yourself. You have to tell them that you are struggling; you have to let them in so that they can be there for you." Nick nodded.

"I know."

"Are they letting you look at the scale when they weigh you every day?" Nick shook his head.

"I've seen it once… just the first day. The nurse decided that it probably wasn't a good idea for me to know what the number was because I was so worried about it," Nick admitted.

"You'll get used to that… if you decide that you need to go to a treatment facility when you finish school, they won't let you know how much you weigh." Nick nodded; ever since he had admitted that he was anorexic, he had been looking things up on the Internet and that was one of the few things that he had figured out already. "How is eating going?"

Nick shrugged. "Okay, I guess. I'm not losing weight… but it's hard. I feel like everyone is watching me, and I hate the fact that it feels like everyone else is in control of my eating habits and my weight. They don't say anything, but I still feel like they're judging me…"

"They're not judging you, Nick. If they're watching you, it's probably because they're trying to make sure that you're eating and that you're doing okay. They're worried about you."

"It freaks me out…" Nick whispered. "I don't like it."

"Why do you think that they're going to judge you? Why are you afraid of that?"

"Because I feel fat. Because I feel like behind their smiles, they're all thinking that I'm lazy and fat and shouldn't be eating."

"Why do you feel that way?"

"Because that was pretty much what the coach told me when he kicked me off the football team… that I was fat and lazy and didn't deserve to be the quarterback if I couldn't even stay in shape over the summer…"

"But over the summer you couldn't really do anything, could you? You were in a cast most of that time…"

"I could have eaten less. I could have worked harder when the cast came off…"

"But you were a senior. You had already made the team, and you had an expectation that you would be on the team despite the fact that you were injured… maybe not as a starter, but you did at least think that you were going to be a member of the team."

"It was a new coach… he wasn't around when I got hurt."

"It shouldn't matter. You were cut from the team over something that you had no control over, and that wasn't fair to you," the therapist replied. Nick nodded. He was still having trouble thinking about things that way; after spending so much time thinking one way about what had happened, it was difficult to change those ideas. "I know you're struggling with that." Nick nodded in response. "I think you really need to deal with that idea… that this wasn't something you could control. And that you won't always be able to control everything, because all of this comes down to you needing to feel as if you're in control of everything that's going on in your life."

"How am I supposed to just _not_ be in control? I can't just let go of everything… my parents expect too much. My teachers expect too much. I'm supposed to be so _perfect_ all the time…"

"Why?"

"Because I have to get scholarships to go to college. Because I'm expected to be at the top of every class because that's where I've always been. Because I _have_ to do well so that I can be successful."

"But is that really what's important in life? Why do you have to be perfect? Why isn't being happy enough?" the man asked. Nick didn't have an answer. "Why don't you think about that this week. About what you _really_ want out of life, and whether or not all of these things that you think need to be perfect all the time are going to get you there." Nick nodded, sighing and standing up. "I'll see you next week."

The drive back to Dalton was pretty much silent; Nick really wasn't in the mood to talk much after an hour spent doing nothing but talking about his situation, and the secretary that had been assigned to take him each week didn't really seem to care all that much about talking.

But as soon as he walked into his dorm room, Nick knew that things would be different. Jeff always wanted to know anything and everything that Nick was willing to tell him.

"How did it go?" Nick smiled as soon as he walked in, moving over to the bed where Jeff was waiting for him. He kicked off his shoes before he settled into the other boy's arms.

"We talked about a lot of stuff… a lot about how I'm trying too hard to please everyone else and not thinking about what I want…" Nick closed his eyes as Jeff pressed a kiss against the top of his head. "I'm supposed to think about what I really want for next time…"

"What do you want?" Jeff asked.

"Right now, I want you."

**A/n: So I'm writing the end of this chapter at a ridiculously early hour of the morning thanks to an awful night of storms… literally AS I was going back to sleep after a nightmare about tornadoes, I got a text message saying that my area was under tornado warning. Not cool.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Nick didn't feel well – that was the first thing that he realized as he started to wake up in the morning. And it terrified him, because he knew that if he couldn't eat, he was going to be in trouble.

"C'mon, Nick… we need to get up, you have to go take your medication." Nick groaned as Jeff shook him slightly, shaking his head.

"I don't feel good…" Nick whispered. He felt Jeff sit down and press a hand against his forehead. Nick wanted to pull away because Jeff's hand was cold, but he didn't really have the energy.

"Okay, c'mon… we're going to the nurse." Nick groaned as Jeff helped him sit up, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders almost immediately so that he wouldn't get cold. "I'm going to get your shoes, just sit here for a minute, okay?" Nick nodded, groaning at the pain in his head that went with the movement. "Your head hurts?"

"Yeah," Nick muttered. "Everything hurts."

"You probably have the flu… I know Trent had it last week, and I think he came to rehearsal with it." Nick didn't really bother commenting as Jeff brought over his shoes and started putting them on his feet for him. It only took a minute, and then Jeff was helping him to his feet and letting him lean against Jeff's body as they walked out of the room and towards the infirmary. "Let me know if you're too tired to walk and I'll carry you the rest of the way."

"'m okay," Nick muttered. It was slow going, but they finally reached the infirmary, where the nurse was waiting for them.

"What's wrong? Nick, is everything okay?" the woman asked.

"I think he might be coming down with the flu… he said that everything hurts, and he's running a fever," Jeff explained as he led the boy into the infirmary and towards the little exam table he had sat on every day.

"Let's get your medicine first, and then we'll figure out what's going on. Jeff, maybe you should go ahead and head back to the dorms to get ready for classes. You shouldn't expose yourself to whatever this is any more than you already have been exposed…" Nick started to check out of the conversation, laying down on the little bed and pulling the blanket around his body.

"I just want to make sure that he's okay…" Jeff began.

"You can come check on him after classes. He's probably still going to be here, unless he starts feeling a lot better once we figure out what's wrong and give him something to help him feel better." Nick felt Jeff put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll see you this afternoon, okay?" Nick nodded slightly, not bothering to open his eyes. He was just too tired. Nick was almost asleep when he felt the nurse shake him gently.

"I need you to sit up, sweetie… you need to take your usual medicine, and then we're going to see what's going on." Nick nodded slightly as the woman helped him sit up so that he could swallow the pills. Almost as soon as he was finished, the thermometer was in his ear. After it beeped, the nurse sighed. "Go ahead and lay back down, sweetie." Nick did as he was told, groaning slightly as he started coughing. "I'm going to run a flu test… I'm pretty sure that's what's going on, but I want to make sure."

Nick tried to ignore the feeling of the swab going down his throat; he'd always hated any kind of test that involved something like that. He was just thankful when it was over, even though it meant that he had to sit there and wait for the test to be ready. "I hate to tell you, but it's the flu. Let's get you to bed, and then I'll figure out what I can give you to help you feel better." Nick groaned as he was forced to get up. Everything hurt, and he really didn't want to move. But he knew it was necessary so that the nurse would be able to see other boys that came in sick.

"Can I get some water?" Nick asked softly.

"Of course. Let's get you settled into bed, and I'll get you something to drink," the nurse replied, leading him into a back room of the clinic and over to the bed. Nick sat down, pulling his blankets around his body as much as possible because he felt as though he was freezing.

Nick didn't even realize that he had fallen asleep when he felt the nurse gently shaking his shoulder. "I brought you some water, ibuprofen, and Tamiflu. Go ahead and take this now, and I'll see what I can do about getting you some breakfast."

"I'm not hungry…" Nick began.

"You have to eat… it's more important now than ever, because you aren't going to be able to get over this unless you keep your strength up," the woman replied with a slight smile. "I know it's going to be hard, but you've got to push through this and keep eating. You're only going to feel worse if you don't take care of yourself properly." Nick nodded, taking the cup of water and the first of the three pills in the little plastic cup. He took them as quickly as possible, wanting nothing more than to get back underneath his covers and continue trying to get warm. He pulled the blankets tighter around his body and immediately laid back down, hoping that he would be able to go back to sleep. That was the only thing he really wanted.

"How's he doing?" Nick opened his eyes again as he heard the headmaster's voice from the hallway.

"Alright, I suppose… his fever is still pretty high and I've been having trouble getting him to wake up long enough to do more than drink a few sips of water. He still hasn't eaten yet today…"

"Do your best to get him to eat… I know we can't expect him to eat normally when he feels so sick, but he needs _something_ in his stomach. I'll call and let his parents know he's sick and that we'll be taking him to the hospital if he gets any worse." Nick sat up slowly, reaching out for the cup of water that had been left by the bed the last time he'd woken up. His throat hurt and his mouth felt as though he had been chewing on a wad of cotton; he was still exhausted, but at the moment he needed the water more than he needed the sleep.

"And if he loses weight?" the nurse asked.

"As long as he's trying to eat, and he isn't losing _too_ much weight, I think we can let it slide for the moment. But he still has to try to eat, otherwise I'll send him home as soon as he's well enough to go." Nick glanced at the doorway as the nurse came inside. The headmaster was nowhere to be seen.

"Nick, do you think you could eat something?"

"I'll try," he commented, wincing at the way talking made his throat hurt.

"We'll get you something else for your sore throat and fever as soon as you've had a chance to eat something," Nick nodded as the woman left the room for a few minutes, before she returned with a bowl of soup and a spoon. "It's not the greatest thing in the world, since it's from a can. But it's warm, and my mother always made us homemade soup when we weren't feeling well." Nick smiled slightly as the woman put the bowl on the only table in the room and handed him the spoon.

Nick did his best to eat the soup, but even swallowing was difficult. He'd managed about half the bowl before he gave up, lying back down on the bed and closing his eyes. "You're done?" Nick opened his eyes as the nurse came back into the room.

"Hurts…" he muttered.

"Alright… sit up again to take this, and then you can go back to sleep." Nick did as he was told, curling back up under the blankets and going back to sleep almost before he knew what was happening.

**A/n: So this chapter is a little longer than usual, but I couldn't just stop it in the middle. Don't hate me for making Nick sick… if you've been reading my stories for any length of time, you know that I can't resist drama!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Nick didn't remember the decision to take him to the hospital being made. Nor did he remember the actual trip to the hospital or being admitted. He was too weak and tired to really pay attention to the world around him, and so it wasn't until he had already been in the hospital overnight and his mother had arrived from North Carolina. To be honest, he really hadn't wanted to wake up in the hospital to the sound of his mother chastising him, and yet here he was.

"I thought we had discussed this… I thought that you understood how important it was for you to eat and not _do_ things like this to yourself."

"Mom… please…"

"No, you clearly need to hear this, because you're still hurting yourself…"

"I was eating. I was doing well… I just got sick. I got too close to Trent while he was sick, and I caught it," Nick replied. "Ask the nurse… ask Jeff. I've been doing my best." Nick closed his eyes, wishing that his mother would leave him alone so that he could sleep. Even after being on the medication that was supposed to help him feel better and being hooked up to an IV all night to help him stay hydrated, Nick still felt awful. He just wanted to rest; to get some sleep and ignore his mother's nagging.

"Clearly that hasn't been enough." Nick shook his head, fighting back tears. His mother didn't think that he could do this; she didn't seem to think that he could beat this.

"Get. Out." Nick opened his eyes as he heard Jeff's voice. The blonde was angry… probably angrier than Nick had ever seen him before. And Nick could see the barely contained rage in the way the boy fought to keep his hands from balling up into fists and punching something.

"What are you talking about? I have every right…"

"You have _no_ right to treat him that way, even if you are his mother. You aren't even listening to him… he _has_ been working. He's been doing _everything_ he can to fight this thing. And then you tell him that his best isn't good enough because he's not perfect… what do you think that's going to do to him?"

"Hopefully push him to do more…" Nick's mother replied.

"You really think that by telling him that he isn't good enough, that he isn't doing enough to make himself better, that he'll somehow be able to work _harder_ to make himself get over this? How the hell does that make any sense?"

"Jeff…"

"No, Nick… I'm not going to let her stay here and talk to you like that. She hasn't been here, she hasn't seen how stressful this has been for you already. And she has no right to tell you that you aren't good enough or that you aren't doing enough to make yourself get better. And until she's ready to see that and realize that you _are_ trying hard enough and that you _are_ going to beat this, she shouldn't be welcome here."

"You're going to let your roommate speak to me this way?" Nick's mother asked. Nick shrugged.

"He's right… you haven't been here." Nick closed his eyes, pulling the thin hospital blanket back around his body and hoping that this argument was going to end quickly, so that he wouldn't have to stay awake and deal with this for much longer.

"Nick needs to rest right now, or he won't get better because he won't even be able to get over the flu. So please, just leave so that he can get some rest. Maybe you could use the time to go talk to the school nurse or his therapist, get a real idea of how Nick is doing." Nick smiled slightly at Jeff's suggestions, knowing that the boy had his back. "I'll be here with him, at least until I have to leave to make it back to school for curfew." Nick vaguely heard his mother's heels tapping out of the room, and felt Jeff press a soft kiss against his forehead.

"Jeff…"

"Get some sleep… I'll be here all afternoon. We can talk and hang out when you're feeling better."

It was easy to fall asleep with Jeff there; the boy was calm and quiet, and sort of protective in a way that Nick found comforting. It was sort of a relief to be able to just _sleep_, without his mother sitting there the whole time waiting to pounce on him with criticism about his ability to fight the anorexia as soon as he made any indication that he might be waking up. Despite being sick, when he woke up again a few hours after the argument between Jeff and his mother he actually felt somewhat better.

"Jeff?"

"Hey… I'm here…" Nick smiled at the sound of the other boy's voice and turned towards the chair his mother had been sitting in earlier. "The nurses were about to wake you up for your medicine… and they brought you a tray of food a couple of minutes ago, if you're feeling up to eating."

Nick sat up slowly as Jeff moved the tray table so that he could get to the food. "Thank you."

"No problem…"

"No… thank you for telling my mom off…" Nick began.

"She needed to be told off. She wasn't right saying things like that to you, not when you're sick. Even if you weren't sick and in the hospital, that still would have been completely uncalled for. She doesn't know what you're going through, and she doesn't know how hard you've been working on all of this." Nick smiled slightly, taking the cover off the plate in front of him. It wasn't something he really wanted to eat, but Nick knew that he needed to actually eat _something_. No matter how bad he felt, not eating wasn't going to make things better. So Nick carefully took a few bites of the hamburger, bun and all, before taking a sip of his water.

"I don't think I've eaten anything since I got here…" Nick commented.

"You were in pretty bad shape when you got here… I wasn't with you, but when I went to check on you after classes the nurse said that your fever had been high all day and you weren't really waking up long enough to eat or even drink anything…" Jeff replied. Nick sighed, looking at the food on his plate. He didn't really want to eat it. He wasn't hungry, despite the fact that he hadn't eaten much of anything over the past few days, and nothing on his plate looked appealing.

"I don't know that I can eat much of this…"

"Do what you can," Jeff replied. "Even if you can't eat as much as you're supposed to, anything you do eat is going to help you feel better." Nick nodded, taking another bite and chewing the food slowly. Nick looked up as he heard someone knocking on the door. "Come in!"

Nick was thankful that the person who entered the room was wearing scrubs and a white coat. "Glad to finally see you awake, Nick. I know you don't remember me, but I'm Dr. Sarver. How are you feeling?" Nick shrugged.

"Everything still hurts, but it's not as bad," Nick admitted.

"That's good," the doctor began, as Nick started coughing. The man was quick to hand him the cup of water as soon as the coughing started to die down.

"Thank you…"

"I need to check your lungs and make sure they're still clear before I go. If you can sit up…" Nick moved slowly as the man blew on the stethoscope so that it wouldn't be quite so cold and reached underneath the hospital gown to press it against Nick's back. "Just take a few deep breaths… as deep as you can." Nick did as he was instructed as the doctor moved the stethoscope around to various places on his back and chest. "Everything sounds good… the best thing you can do right now is continue to rest, drink as much water as you can, and try to eat as much as you can handle." Nick nodded, closing his eyes.

"What happens if I can't eat?" Nick asked.

"We can put in a feeding tube, if it comes down to it. I don't want to do that to you… I've spoken to the nurse from your school and she told me that you're battling anorexia right now. I don't want you to feel like you're being forced to eat or do anything that might compromise your recovery. That's a last resort, and I won't do it unless it's absolutely necessary." Nick nodded again, thankful that the doctor seemed to understand. The last thing he wanted was to end up with a feeding tube; the thought terrified him, because he hated the idea of being so completely out of control. "Do what you can. Don't worry about that now, because we'll talk about it again before we put you on a feeding tube." Nick didn't respond, too tired to really think about what had been said. "I'm going to go and let you get some rest. Try to eat some more of your dinner, if you can."

"Thanks, Dr. Sarver," Jeff commented as the man left the room. Nick sighed and opened his eyes, looking back at the plate and picking up the burger again. He took another bite, doing his best to ignore the thoughts in his head about how disgusting the food was and how little he wanted to eat because of how sick he felt. "Are you okay?"

"It's just hard. I don't feel that great, and I don't _want_ to eat but I know that I _have_ to. And the more I eat, the more I feel like I'm going to be sick," Nick replied. He smiled slightly as Jeff stood up and walked over to him, taking his hand.

"Then take a break, or try eating something else that's easier to deal with. You've got some vegetables on the plate, or even just some of the juice…" Nick smiled slightly. "Do what you can, okay? Just get as much down as you can handle." Jeff pressed a kiss against his forehead as Nick opened the little container of juice. "I'm going to be here for you, okay? I've got your back."

"That's the best thing I could hear right now."

**A/n: So I actually kind of like the way this chapter turned out… because I really could see Jeff getting protective of Nick, especially in a situation like this because it is obvious that Nick's parents are part of the problem. I didn't realize how LONG this chapter was getting until I was already around 1500 words, and then I just kept writing for some reason. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

"How is he doing, really?" Jeff stayed around the corner when he heard Nick's mother asking that question. He wanted to know the answer, and he knew that the woman wasn't going to let him know anything after his little outburst at her a few days earlier.

"All things considered, he's doing well. He's eating better than I would have expected for someone with the flu, he's not getting dehydrated even though we stopped IV fluids last night… I'm prepared to release him this afternoon," the doctor commented. Jeff bit down on his bottom lip, hoping that Nick's mother would actually _understand_ what the doctor was saying instead of just assuming that she was right about Nick's health.

"You really think that's the best idea for Nick?"

"Mrs. Genovese… I don't know what you want me to do here. He doesn't need to be in the hospital. Not for the flu, not for anorexia nervosa… Nick is doing well on both fronts. I'm not going to keep him in the hospital any longer than is necessary."

"I just… I don't want my son to get out of the hospital and end up back here in just a few days because he _isn't_ doing as well as everyone seems to think that he is," the woman replied.

"I can't guarantee that Nick won't end up back in the hospital for some reason. He's sick, he is going to be sick for a long time. But if he takes care of himself, if he _keeps_ taking care of himself, then it's a lot less likely that something bad will happen like that. And I think he's capable of doing that."

"But we won't know until he's _in_ the hospital…"

"Look, you and your husband trusted the school staff to keep an eye on him, and his roommate clearly cares about how Nick is doing and probably keeps on top of his eating more than anyone else. He has a support system in place to help him keep on top of this. I'm sure his therapist would agree with me that at this stage in the game, it's best to let the system that's working now stay in place until it's not working anymore."

"But is it really working if he got sick? If…"

"Mrs. Genovese… Nick would have gotten the flu no matter what. It's a virus, and it's very contagious. The fact that he has an eating disorder complicated things, yes, but he still might have ended up in the hospital even without his illness," the doctor interrupted. "He is going to be released very soon, and the therapist agrees that he _needs_ to be back in the school environment with the support that has been there. He needs that stability and that safety."

"You don't think that my husband and I can provide that environment in our home?"

"He's spent most of the past four years at Dalton. If he isn't there, he's at some kind of summer camp or staying with one of us, one of his friends," Jeff commented, turning the corner. "How can you say that you can provide the type of environment he needs, when you haven't even been living with him at all since he started high school? You don't know what's going on…"

"What gives you the right…"

"I've _been_ there. I've _seen_ everything that's happened… I was there when he broke his leg last year, I was the one that was there for him when the coach kicked him off the football team. I'm the one that's been helping him through _all_ of this," Jeff interrupted. "I've spent more time with your son in the past year than you have in the last _four_. I've been his roommate since freshman year at Dalton, and I'm the guy he's planning on rooming with in the fall because we're _both_ going to Columbia. Which you wouldn't know, because you've never _asked_ which school he decided to choose or what he's planning on studying."

"I didn't think…"

"He doesn't tell you everything because he thinks that you don't care. You never ask, so how does he know that you have any interest in hearing about his plans? _My_ mom knows more about what Nick is going to do next year than you do, because she actually _asks_," Jeff replied, sighing. "He talks to her the way he should be able to talk to you. But he doesn't feel like he can share these things with you because he thinks that you don't care what he's doing. That's the message he's gotten from the fact that you're never around and you never bother to ask what's going on in his life." Jeff watched as the woman sighed, shaking her head.

"You're right. I just thought that he was okay, that he didn't _need_ to have us asking about everything…"

"Did you know that he feels like he has to be perfect for you? Like he has to do _everything_ perfectly, exactly right, so that he doesn't disappoint you? The message he got is that he has to be the best, he has to be the valedictorian and the quarterback and the star of the Warblers or he isn't good enough for you and your husband to pay any attention to him," Jeff replied. "He gets attention when he does something great, but if he isn't the best at something it's like you just ignore him… and that's the problem. When he was kicked off the football team, you didn't even react as though what the coach did was unfair, and it was one of the worst things that's ever happened to him." Jeff watched as the woman shook her head, sighing.

"I'm sorry…"

"Tell Nick, not me. He's the one you need to apologize to. He's the one that was hurt by the way you both ignored him." The woman nodded, starting to walk over towards the boy's room, stopping just before she opened the door and turning back to Jeff.

"Thank you."

**A/n: So this one is short, and I know it is. But I got started writing this confrontation, and realized that this was important enough that it should probably be its own chapter. So yes, this chapter is about half the length of the previous chapter. But I think this is probably the best way to deal with it.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Being out of the hospital didn't necessarily mean that Nick _felt_ better. But since his father had decided that his mother no longer needed to be in Ohio, Nick was back in the dorms to finish fighting off his flu bug. Nick groaned as he finally stopped coughing, covering his eyes because the light was hurting his eyes.

"I can't believe your dad made your mom go home… she wanted to stay and take care of you. And you shouldn't have to be stuck in here to take care of yourself all day," Jeff commented as he got ready for class. Nick just shrugged, rolling over onto his side. "Is there anything I can do for you before I go? I know Miss Miller is going to come check on you in a little while to make sure you get your medication and eat, but is there anything you need before then?"

"Water… please," Nick muttered. His throat was still hurting, and that was the one thing that he knew _might_ help. He smiled as Jeff put a glass of water down on the table by his bed and pressed a kiss against his forehead.

"Feel better." Nick muttered a response into his pillow, but he wasn't sure if Jeff understood and to be honest he wasn't even really sure of exactly what he'd intended to say in the first place. All he knew was that the door closed as he fell back to sleep and he didn't really know anything else until the nurse came in an hour or so later and woke him up.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, sticking her thermometer in his ear.

"Tired… still pretty crappy. But not as bad as I have," Nick replied. He watched as she checked the number and sighed.

"You're still running a pretty high fever. You need to remember to drink plenty of water today," she reminded him as she handed him a little plastic cup of various pills. Nick took them one at a time, following each with another sip of water to make them go down easier. "I need to get back to the clinic. Your breakfast is over here on the nightstand, and I'll get you some more water before I go. Do you need anything else?"

"No… thanks." The woman smiled and nodded.

"I'll be back to check on you later… try and eat as much as you can, and drink as much as you can. I don't want you to be sent to the hospital for dehydration again." Nick nodded, sitting up a little more and moving so that he could start in on the bowl of cereal the nurse had brought him; that was probably the most difficult thing he would have to eat, and he knew it was also probably the most important thing that had been brought other than the orange juice. One of the things the therapist he was seeing had asked him to do was actually look into nutrition and _learn_ about what his body really needed to function. And although he knew that his body needed food and nutrients to function, it was still a battle to make himself keep eating every day so that he wouldn't make himself sick again.

It took a while for Nick to make his way through the bowl of cereal with milk, but he did manage to eat most of it before he put the bottle of orange juice in the mini fridge and refilled his glass of water before he climbed back into the bed. The banana could wait until later, because he really didn't think he could eat anything else at the moment.

Nick fell asleep faster than he really expected. He hated being sick and tired all the time, but he knew that he would start feeling better if he just took care of himself. To be honest, he was surprised when he opened his eyes to find Jeff lying in bed next to him. "Jeff?"

"Hey."

"Did I sleep all day?" Nick asked, confused. He didn't remember waking up, but he wasn't completely sure because he had been known to do things in his sleep before.

"No… I don't think so. It looks like you ate some lunch," Jeff replied. Nick glanced over at the plate that held part of a sandwich and a bowl that had most likely contained soup. "You don't remember?" Nick shook his head, smiling slightly.

"I don't remember anything after I went back to sleep. That was right after breakfast…" Nick closed his eyes again, inching closer to Jeff and smiling as the boy put his arms around him. "Can you just stay here like this? I like this…"

"For a while, yeah. I have to go get us some dinner in a little while…"

"Until then?"

"Yeah… I'll stay with you until then," Jeff replied. Nick smiled again.

"I love you…" Nick began as he started to go back to sleep.

"I love you, too." Nick was so comfortable in Jeff's arms, it wasn't all that difficult for him to fall asleep there. He had gotten so used to sharing a bed with his boyfriend and sleeping like this, he couldn't really imagine sleeping any other way. There was something comforting about hearing the other boy breathing, feeling his heart beating through his shirt and the radiating warmth of his body.

"… seems to be feeling a little better. He's eating pretty well, considering how sick he is." Nick opened his eyes slowly as he heard Jeff speaking to someone else in the room. "I think he's starting to recover."

"He isn't going to just get over it. Not this easily." Nick closed his eyes at the sound of Sebastian's voice coming from the doorway.

"He's trying, Sebastian. And he's gaining weight and actually eating… that's an improvement."

"I'm just being honest with you, Jeff… he may seem like he's doing really well now, but this isn't him being cured. He's going to relapse, at least once, and he's going to have to fight this every day for the rest of his life."

"We know," Nick muttered, finally moving. He rolled over slightly so that he could see Sebastian, who was leaning against the door frame with his hands in the pockets of his uniform pants, sleeves rolled up to his elbows as if he had been working on something. "I'm doing my best… I'm just hoping that someone will be there to slap some sense into me when it happens."

"And I have every intention of being there," Jeff added. Nick smiled as the boy pressed a kiss against his cheek.

"I hope that works out for you."


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Nick bit his lip, waiting to see what the nurse would say as he stood on the scale for the first time since he had gotten sick. "Is it bad?"

"It's not good," the woman replied, sighing. "But it could be a lot worse… you lost some weight last week, but not enough that I'm concerned."

"But I still lost weight… the headmaster said…"

"You're not going to be sent home for this, Nick. It wasn't something you could control. But now that you're better, you _have_ to do what you can to gain the weight back. You can't continue losing weight if you want to stay here." Nick nodded, actually feeling relieved at the fact that he wasn't going to be sent home. He'd been dreading this appointment, knowing that he'd lost weight by the fact that his pants were getting looser. "Come on… you need to take your medication and get to breakfast so that you'll have enough time to eat before class."

Nick took the pills quickly, thankful that the number had diminished significantly now that he was feeling better. It had been bad enough just being ill, but the sheer number of pills he'd been taking while he was sick just made it seem even worse.

"Remember, you're still not completely over the flu… you need to drink plenty of water today and pay attention to how you feel so that you don't overdo things." Nick nodded, smiling.

"Thanks."

Nick hurried towards the cafeteria to meet Jeff; the blonde had needed to run to the library before classes, so he hadn't gone to the infirmary with Nick for the first time. It actually hadn't been that bad, going by himself. Nick still preferred having Jeff with him, mostly because he wanted the moral support Jeff usually provided, but at least he knew that he would be able to get through the weigh-ins without the other boy. In the back of his mind, Nick knew that was going to be difficult for him if he ended up in some kind of treatment facility after graduation.

"How was it?" Jeff asked as Nick walked up.

"I've lost weight, but not enough to be concerned about," Nick replied. "I don't know numbers, but the nurse said that as long as I start gaining weight again now that I'm better she didn't think it was anything to worry about." He smiled slightly as Jeff pressed a quick kiss against his temple before they got into the line to get their food.

"I'm glad… I was kind of worried they might send you home." Nick nodded, because he'd had the same concern. He glanced over the breakfast options, choosing carefully until he had some eggs, a biscuit, some sausage, and a banana on his plate along with a carton of milk. While he probably could have done better, Nick knew that anything he could do would be better than what he wanted to do right now. He didn't _want_ to eat. He wanted to control his weight, to limit his calories and keep control.

But Nick also knew that he couldn't do that. He couldn't starve himself, he couldn't risk his relationships. Because for every pound he lost, for every bit of control he tried to take back by stopping his food intake, Nick knew that he would lose someone he loved. He didn't want to lose his friends, or his family, or Jeff. Especially not Jeff. And while the blonde hadn't said that he would leave if Nick didn't get help, Nick was worried that Jeff would eventually give up on him.

"Hey… orange juice," Jeff commented, shaking a bottle in Nick's direction.

"Yeah, sure." Nick took the bottle and put it on his tray before they walked over to an empty table and sat down. Nick and Jeff were pretty much always the first members of their little group to show up for breakfast, mostly because it took Nick longer to eat than everyone else.

By the time anyone else showed up to eat, Nick had already finished the banana and was working on some of the other food.

"It went okay?" Trent asked as soon as he sat down. Nick smiled slightly, nodding in response. Nick hadn't realized that some of the other Warblers knew about the situation, but in a way he was glad because it at least meant that he wouldn't have needed to explain if he had been sent home.

"As long as I don't keep losing weight now that I'm getting over the flu, they'll let me stay. But I have to start trying to gain again."

"How much?"

"He isn't allowed to know," Jeff replied, responding to Trent's question before Nick even had a chance. "They don't let him see the scale, and he isn't supposed to know how much he weighs."

"And it sucks, because I don't like not knowing," Nick added.

"It's for the best. You would probably freak out if you actually saw the numbers." Nick shrugged at Jeff's explanation. He knew that was probably the truth, but he really didn't want to admit that Jeff was right. He wanted to be able to look at his weight.

"At least I'm getting used to it… if I end up going to a treatment center after graduation, they won't let me see how much I weigh."

"I thought you said that you _were_ going to a treatment center after graduation…" Trent began. Nick shrugged.

"I'm not positive… I kind of wonder if my dad will think it's worth the money. It seems like there are a lot of things he doesn't think are worth wasting money on lately," Nick replied. "He doesn't think I know that he refused to pull me out of school because it might jeopardize my chances of getting a scholarship, even though pretty much every doctor thinks it's a bad idea."

"He's more concerned with how you're paying for college than whether or not you might seriously hurt yourself with an eating disorder?"

"It's just how my dad is," Nick replied. "He's so focused on my future, sometimes he doesn't think about the stuff going on today that might screw up his plans for me."

"That's just so wrong…" Trent replied.

"He didn't even come up here when they put Nick in the hospital. And he made his mom go home pretty much as soon as he was out, even though Nick was still sick," Jeff added. "I'm not sure that either of his parents really _get_ what's going on… they don't seem to care enough."

"They care," Nick replied. "They just… they don't get it, not completely. They don't know how to deal with this."

"No one that cares about you knows how to deal with this, Nick… we're all clueless. But at least some of us are actually _trying_ to be supportive and to help you get better…"

"My parents aren't abusive or neglectful or whatever you're trying to imply, Jeff," Nick cut in. He was starting to get really upset by this particular topic of conversation and he wanted nothing more than to be done with it. Nick stood up, ignoring the fact that he still hadn't finished his breakfast. "I've got to get to class."

Nick picked up his tray and walked over to the trashcans, dumping his food and putting the dishes away to be cleaned.

"Nick… dude, I'm sorry…" Jeff was following him, obviously trying to get him to stop and listen. Which Nick really didn't want to do. "I didn't mean to imply that they were bad parents… I just feel like they should be doing more to make sure you're okay and you're getting help. They don't get it…"

"_I_ don't even get it, Jeff…" Nick began, turning around to face his friend as they walked out of the cafeteria. "I don't understand what I'm doing, because it doesn't really make any sense. I _know_ that this is hurting me, but I can't stop myself. I still want to be sick every time I eat too much, I still want to just avoid eating. But I _can't_ escape from it. I _envy_ the fact that they can just ignore what's going on every once in a while and forget about it, because that's what _I_ want!" Nick pulled away as Jeff attempted to put a hand on his shoulder. "Everyone else can walk away from this… everyone else can just give up, say fuck it, and leave me to deal with this on my own. But I'm _stuck_. And it _sucks_, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. So excuse me if I'm not horribly upset by the fact that my parents aren't exactly dealing with things well, because I'd rather them try to ignore this now than to walk away from me completely!"

"I'm sorry…" Jeff began.

"I have to go to class."

**A/n: Uh-oh! Sounds like the boys are at each other's throats at the moment… I wonder what will happen next?**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Jeff opened the door slowly, unsure whether or not Nick had gotten back from classes yet. He was sort of terrified that Nick would still be pissed off at him, and he was confused about exactly _why_ Nick was so upset. It didn't really make sense to Jeff… but then again, a lot of the things Nick did to himself didn't make sense anymore.

"Can I come in, or are you still pissed off at me?" Jeff asked when he saw the other boy sitting at his desk.

"You can come in," Nick replied. Jeff walked over to his own desk, dropping his bag and turning the chair around so that he was facing his boyfriend as he sat down. He was a little disturbed that Nick hadn't said anything about what had happened that morning.

"Can we talk? Please?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," Nick replied, without turning to face him. "I… I was stupid earlier. It was a stupid argument, and I'd rather just forget it happened."

"But it _did_ happen. And I don't want to just ignore it now and it end up being an even bigger argument later." Jeff moved closer, feeling more comfortable now that he knew Nick wasn't upset with him. That made it somewhat easier to have this conversation, because at least he wouldn't be digging himself any deeper into a hole. "I said something that upset you, and I think we need to talk about _why_ you were upset so that I can try not to do that again."

As Nick turned to look at him, Jeff could see that the boy had been crying – something that made Jeff's heart ache for Nick. Jeff immediately stood up and walked over to the other boy, wrapping him in a hug. "I just… I _want_ them to care… they're my parents, they're _supposed_ to care!"

"I know," Jeff replied, running his fingers through the other boy's hair. "Talk to me… tell me what's wrong. I know I'm not your therapist, but I'm willing to listen since you can't tell him."

"It hurts that they don't care enough to be here, and that I'm not important enough for them to make plans change to deal with this…" Jeff pressed a kiss against Nick's temple, doing his best to just hold and comfort the boy. "I just… I want them to care, to pay attention to me instead of my dad's business or all of my mom's boards and committees and crap. It's like I'm just… I'm just here because it was the next part of the plan. Having a kid was just another one of those things that needed to get checked off their lists. Like they don't even care about _me_."

"I know it hurts… and I know I can't replace them, but I'm here for you. I'm going to be here, and I'm not going to leave you," Jeff replied. "It's not the same, but I'm not going to leave you to deal with this alone… I'm going to help you through this."

"I just feel so stupid…" Jeff shook his head, squeezing the boy a little tighter.

"You are _not_ stupid. You're just struggling right now," Jeff replied. "You've come so far, Nick… you're doing so well."

"I picked a fight with you over something stupid… something _you_ were right about…"

"I'm not mad at you," Jeff replied. "You're upset, you're struggling… I get that. You were angry, and you needed to let that out. It's not healthy to hold all of that back."

"I had no right to take it out on you. And it just makes me feel even worse, and that just makes me want to hurt myself even more. Which is stupid." Jeff pressed a kiss against Nick's temple.

"C'mon… let's take a walk, get some fresh air."

"I have homework to catch up on… I'm going to have to rush to get everything done and still be able to actually study for finals." Nick began.

"I know… but five minutes, okay? Just long enough for you to calm down, get your head back on straight so you can focus." Jeff smiled as Nick nodded, taking the boy's hand and leading him down the hall and towards the front door of the dorm. It was a nice day, and Jeff knew that Nick would appreciate it.

Jeff found a nice, quiet bench away from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the campus and sat down, pulling Nick to sit next to him. Jeff put his arm around the other boy's shoulders, smiling.

"This is nice, right?"

"It is… it's peaceful, too." Jeff smiled.

"I like to come here sometimes, when I'm stressed out, and just relax for a few minutes. It's pretty much the only place I can go to be alone… and I wanted to share it with you, because I feel like you need it as much as I do." Jeff leaned over, pressing a soft kiss against Nick's cheek.

"Can it be our makeout spot, too?" Nick asked. Jeff smiled, slowly pulling Nick a little closer and turning the boy's face towards him, pressing a soft kiss against his lips. They didn't pull away until Jeff needed to stop for some air."

"I think we can make that work out." Jeff pushed Nick's hair back behind his ears, sighing. "But I think our five minutes are up."

"I don't want to go back inside… it's so nice out here."

"Makeup work. Finals coming soon. I wish we had time, but I have homework to get done, too," Jeff replied. He leaned in and pressed another kiss against Nick's lips before he stood up, taking the other boy's hands. "We can always take another break later, after dinner."

"It's too bad I can't just ignore all of the work…" 

"I think we've established that ignoring problems doesn't work… that's kind of what got us into all of this mess to begin with," Jeff replied. He smiled slightly as Nick nodded, sighing and standing up to walk back to the dorm with him.

"I can talk to you, right? If things get too hard?" Nick asked.

"Always," Jeff replied. "What good would I be if I didn't care enough to listen to you?"

"You'd still be good for something, I'm sure."

"But I wouldn't be good for you… and that's the most important thing." Jeff pressed a kiss against Nick's nose. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

**A/n: Of course things had to work out… it's Niff! And I can't have them staying mad at one another for too long because they're just too cute for that.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Exams were looming, and Jeff could see just how much the stress was getting to Nick. The dark haired boy was having more trouble fighting the urge to starve himself or purge than ever before, and that really worried Jeff. So Jeff was careful to make sure he was watching Nick's eating habits and how long Nick was spending in the bathroom after meals, to make sure that he wasn't relapsing.

"I don't think I can do this…" Jeff looked up from the paper he was writing, turning to look at Nick. The boy looked as if he was about to break down. "I'm not going to be Valedictorian… it's not going to happen, and my parents are going to be so mad."

"Nick…" Jeff began, smiling as the boy turned to look at him. "You're going to be okay. Just take a break, give yourself some time to breathe, and then go back to your work. You'll do your best, and that's all that really matters." Jeff could see that Nick wanted to argue with him, but he didn't let the other boy get a chance. "You're brilliant, Nick. You just need to keep yourself from getting too stressed out about all of this. It isn't going to help anything, and you need to think about your health, too."

Jeff could see that Nick was upset as the boy sighed. "I know. I just… it would be easier if I could just go without eating, just until exams are over, so that I could use that time to study. Because I can't do anything else while I eat…" Jeff stood up, walking over to Nick and gently massaging the boy's shoulders.

"Should we go out to our bench again? Or is there something else that might help?"

"Alcohol." Jeff smiled, shaking his head.

"Can't do that one, sorry."

"But it's got calories…"

"But neither of us is old enough to buy alcohol, and those aren't the kind of calories you need to have. Maybe some milk? I think I can manage that…" Jeff replied. "I'm kind of in the mood for a break myself. We could go downstairs for a study break and a snack."

"Jeff, they're going to serve dinner in less than two hours…" Nick began.

"And you aren't eating enough right now anyway. Five or ten minutes to run downstairs and grab a glass of milk and a cookie would do you good." Jeff leaned down and pressed a kiss against the boy's cheek, smiling and gently prodding Nick out of his chair. "What are you working on, anyway?"

"Chemistry… I swear it was invented by the devil. I _hate_ formulas and equations and… and _math_. There's too much of it, when I've still got calculus…"

"There's no calculus final, though… the AP exam is over, so at least you don't have to worry about that one," Jeff replied. Nick shrugged.

"I still have another paper for English that I'm not quite finished with. Which is ridiculous, because that's an AP class and there _shouldn't_ be anything after the AP tests," Nick replied. "Not to mention the finals for government and French. _And_ Spanish, because I'm an idiot and decided I would take both…"

"Nick, stop overthinking everything. You're going to make it worse, stressing out like this," Jeff advised as he pulled the other boy along, towards the stairwell to go to the little café downstairs. Jeff was thankful that there was a source of food so close by; they didn't really keep anything in their room, and the cafeteria wasn't open outside of regular mealtimes.

Jeff got milk and a package of two chocolate chip cookies, carrying all of it over to the table Nick had sat down at as soon as they entered the room, opening the package of cookies and handing one over to Nick so that he could eat it.

"You got whole milk."

"You _need_ whole milk. You're still underweight," Jeff replied.

"I'm trying," Nick muttered, defensively.

"I know. And I'm so proud of you for how much you've already done. But I'm trying to help you keep going in the right direction, because I know how stressed out you are right now and I don't want you to lose all of the progress you've already made over these exams that don't really mean anything once high school's over." Jeff put a hand on Nick's knee, smiling at the other boy. "I'd hate for you to get sent home _now_, after you've worked so hard to get this far."

"I think that mostly I'm stressed out about talking to my parents…" Jeff raised an eyebrow, confused. "I've decided that I'm going to call them, after exams, and really talk to them about all of this. I… I _need_ to do this, because I'm afraid that I'm not going to get better if I don't _make_ them get help for me. And I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to convince my dad that I can't do this on my own."

"You know you'll never be completely alone, right?" Jeff asked. He watched as Nick nodded, smiling back at him.

"I know. But this is something that you can't handle, either. And I'm not going to put that on you, because it isn't your job to deal with all of my baggage and shit and I don't want to put more on you than I have to, no matter how willing you are to help. I just… I need to go to a treatment center, I need to get myself healthy and get this shit figured out before we start college in the fall. That's the most important thing to me right now."

Jeff smiled at Nick nodding in response to the boy's comments. "I'm proud of you. The fact that you know you need help and you realize this isn't something you can do completely on your own… that's huge." Jeff watched as Nick nodded.

"It's thanks to everyone forcing me to face it," Nick replied. "You all _made_ me look at what I was doing to myself and face the fact that I was going to kill myself if I didn't get help, fast. I just wish you could all make my parents see that… sometimes I feel like the nurse and the headmaster care more about my safety and well-being than my parents, because they're actually pushing me to get help. My parents won't even talk to my therapist… he's _tried_ calling them, over and over again, and they're always too busy to actually listen to anything he has to say. It sucks."

"I'm sorry," Jeff replied, smiling as Nick finally took a sip of the milk carton and took a couple of small bites of his cookie.

"I… I think that if I wasn't already eighteen, he would probably be calling the authorities."

"It's too bad that isn't an option… it might help them to be told that they aren't doing a good job as parents at the moment."

"They've never really been great parents," Nick admitted. "I've always kind of been an afterthought. It's tough, but that's just kind of how things have been for as long as I can remember."

"It doesn't _have_ to be that way anymore," Jeff replied, leaning in and pressing a kiss against his boyfriend's lips. "I will _always_ be here for you. Even if that means I have to be a pain in the ass." He watched as the other boy nodded.

"I _want_ you to be a pain in my ass. You're only doing it to help."

**A/n: Alright, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I've had a couple of characters distracting me a lot lately, even from this! Which is difficult, considering how much I love Niff!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Nick sat at the table in the café, ignoring his parents' conversation because he had no desire to hear about his father's business or the mysterious inner workings of the Junior League fundraiser.

"Oh, and Nick, I promised Elizabeth Kinney's mother you would be her escort for cotillion… we'll need to get you fitted for a new suit, but…" 

"Mom… stop." Nick closed his eyes as he realized that he was really about to do this – he was really about to confront his parents about everything that had happened lately. "I don't think I'm going to be around this summer for something like that."

"What are you talking about? You're going to come home to go to the ball just like every year, and then we're going to Paris just like we always planned," his father replied. "Now, we should talk about what we're going to do in Europe…"

"Dad, I'm being serious," Nick replied. He still couldn't bring himself to look at his parents; he didn't have the guts to say it all looking in their eyes. "Dr. Miller agrees with me… I want to go to a treatment center. I want help."

"You're doing just fine here, without any of that fancy extra crap," his father replied.

"I'm _not_. God, Dad, you don't even know what's going on in my life! I've been fighting for _weeks_, and all I've managed to do so far is gain a few pounds. I still want to throw up every time I eat, I still want to just not eat so that I don't have to feel that way. I haven't been cured, or whatever you think has happened, just because you haven't heard anything about it all in a while."

"You just need to work a little harder," his father replied. Nick shook his head, sighing. He'd known that this was going to be difficult, but he had still expected his parents to at least _listen_ to what he was saying.

"No, John… we need to listen to Nick." Nick smiled at his mother; at least she seemed to be on his side.

"We've already booked the trip!"

"We can afford to lose that money. This is our son's _life_ we're talking about here… it's much more important than any amount of money we might lose by cancelling our plans."

"We're talking about months…"

"We're talking about Nick's health! He's coming to us for help, and you aren't even willing to listen to what he has to say. He's sick, John, and this may be our only chance to help him get healthy."

"That therapist has put all of this in his head… trying to get more money out of us than what he's already taking."

"Dr. Miller has nothing to do with it, Dad… all he's done is given me brochures about a few different places and encouraged me to talk to you about it, since you refuse to take his calls anymore. But he didn't make any specific recommendations – _I_ picked the place, but I need the two of you to support me in this decision. I can't do this alone."

"You won't have to." Nick looked over at his father as the man shook his head, sighing. "Tell me about this place." Nick reached into his blazer pocket, pulling out the brochure he'd chosen and passing it across the table to his father.

"It's supposed to be a good place… they only deal with eating disorders. And Dr. Miller thinks it would be a good fit… we talked about it after I made my decision," Nick replied. "I called them already. If you're willing to pay for it, I can go next week…"

"That's so soon…" his mother began.

"I know. But I'll lose my spot if I don't go then… and the sooner I go, the better. The longer I avoid treatment, the harder it's going to be for me to do this when you'll actually let me go," Nick replied. He sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "I just… I need to do this, before I go to college. While I still have time, while I'm still willing to do all of this. While there's still hope."

"There will always be hope, Nick…" his mother began. Nick shook his head in response.

"There's only going to be hope as long as I _want_ to get better. And that's what I want right now, but… I may not even want that in ten days, when I'm supposed to be there. I've gone back and forth about all of this so many times. About whether or not I wanted to go. About whether or not I could actually talk to you about it." Nick glanced down at his hand as he felt his mother gently covering it with her own, smiling softly at him.

"We'll help you, sweetie. We'll do everything we can for you." Nick was surprised when his father stood up.

"I'm going to the car to make a few phone calls, get the financial arrangements settled. I also need to see what can be done about changing our trip to Paris… maybe if we go a little later in the summer…"

"I think it might be best to not count on Nick being able to go with us, sweetheart. We don't know how long this treatment will take," Nick's mother responded.

"It's not a one-size-fits-all thing, Dad… I'm going to be there for as long as I need to be. It could take all summer… or longer, depending on how things go once I get there. I don't know. But I do know that I _have_ to try. I have to give this a shot, because I don't think I'll last long if I don't figure all of this out." Nick watched as his father sighed, obviously thinking for a moment before he nodded.

"Maybe I can get it moved to your Christmas vacation… we'll have to cut down on the length of the trip, but at least you'll still get to go." Nick watched as his dad walked out of the little café and towards the entrance to the building to make his phone calls.

"You should go get ready for the graduation ceremony, Sweetie… it's in an hour, and I know you probably want to go put the finishing touches on your speech." Nick smiled slightly, nodding.

"I need to change clothes anyway…" Nick began, standing up. He smiled and turned to look at his mom for a moment. "Thank you, Mom. For everything. I… I don't think he would have agreed to all of this if you hadn't been on my side through all of this."

"I just want you to be okay, Nicky," she replied with a smile. "Go get ready, sweetie. We'll see you after the ceremony."

**A/n: Well, Nicky's made it through high school! Up next – the drama of trying to deal with his relationship with Jeff while he's in treatment and can't see the other boy for a while. This could make things… interesting.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

It wasn't exactly what Nick had expected, if he was being completely honest. Things looked nice enough, but the staff was a little… harsher than he'd expected. He'd already been questioned by one nurse about various things – what medications he was taking, the various things he had done as far as maintaining his weight, whether or not he had any history of self-injury, what he'd done so far in terms of treatment. And then he'd been led into another room, where his suitcase and backpack had been left.

Nick sat and watched as the staff of the center went through his bag and checked his shoes for any contraband. Things like candy, laxatives, razors – anything that he might use to make himself sick or hurt himself in some way. "I don't understand…"

"Self-injury is common. We can't let you have anything that someone might use to hurt themselves."

"But my shoes…?" Nick began. He couldn't understand why this woman was saying the old pair of trainers he'd worn on the plane ride from North Carolina.

"Laces." The answer was short and clipped, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. Not that Nick really understood exactly _why_ that was a problem. "You were told to bring shoes you could slip on for a reason." Nick watched as they finally started putting his things back into his bag, with the exception of a plastic box that contained a few of the things he hadn't realized could be harmful. "These things will be locked up in the offices until you're ready to leave. Now we're going to the nutritionist's office down the hall."

Nick stood up and followed the woman that had spoken to him, even though she hadn't ever introduced herself, while the man that had been in the room going through his bag remained with his things. He found it strange, that none of these people seemed to care if he knew who they were or not.

Finally the woman opened a door and motioned for Nick to enter. An older woman sat at the desk, smiling at him and motioning for him to sit on the exam table in the room. "Have a seat… we're going to talk first, before anything else." Nick nodded, doing as he was told. "I'm Mary, the nutritionist here. You'll see me every day to be weighed and to talk about making good food choices when that time comes. And you can talk to me about any problems you might have with food while you're here." Nick nodded silently. "So, how long have you been in outpatient treatment?"

"Six weeks or so," Nick replied. He watched as the woman made a notation in a chart.

"Do you know how much you weigh right now?"

"I haven't seen a scale since I started treatment… the nurse at school wouldn't let me look, and my parents put the scale in their bathroom where I couldn't check," Nick replied.

"That's okay… you're probably better off not knowing exactly how much you weigh, and we're going to weigh you in a few minutes anyway. How have you been doing with eating?" Nick shrugged, sighing.

"It's gotten harder since I left school… there, my friends were always reminding me to eat and pushing me to try eating a little more at meals because they knew I needed that. But I think my parents don't really fully understand all of that. They tried, but they don't always remember that I _have_ to be reminded."

"Family members don't always understand… most of the therapists here will do family sessions to talk to them, so that they can understand what you need when you leave the program here. How many calories do you eat in a day?" Nick shrugged.

"I don't really keep track… I eat until I'm full, or until I feel too sick to eat anything else." Nick watched as the woman nodded, writing down some more things in the chart.

"Can you give me a guesstimate?" Nick bit down on his bottom lip, trying to figure out how much he ate on a regular basis.

"Maybe 800… on a good day. On bad days, maybe a couple hundred tops," Nick replied. "But I haven't been keeping track since I started treatment. I don't want to think about it, because it'll just make me feel worse."

"That'll have to change once you're off plated meals… you'll need to make sure that you're getting enough calories in a day." Nick nodded. "Let's get you on the scale, so that I can get started making a plan for your diet goals for the next few weeks, until you're off plated meals."

Nick stepped on the scale slowly, making sure he kept his back to the digital display because he knew he wasn't allowed to see the number. It was a fight to keep himself from trying to peek, but he knew that it was necessary. As much as Nick wanted to know, knowing would only cause problems because he would start thinking too much about the numbers and not enough about his health. He stood there for a moment, until the woman stepped back to make another note in the chart.

"Alright, sweetie, you can step down now." Nick moved away, crossing his arms as he waited to see what was going to happen next. "You don't have to look so nervous. This is the easy part… the hard part comes later today, once you've started your therapy sessions with your new doctor." Nick nodded, knowing that she was right. It still didn't really make this part any easier.

"I've just never done this before…"

"You're one of the few here. Most of our patients are repeat visitors in treatment centers… you're going to see a lot of people who either don't want to get better and sabotage themselves at every turn, or who have tried and failed to get better more than once. You've got to push through and try to ignore the things people are going to tell you about food and calories around here, because there's a lot of misinformation. You should only listen to what you hear from staff members about nutrition and the foods we're having you eat." Nick nodded in response; the more he heard about everything that was going to happen and that he would have to do, the more reluctant Nick felt about actually doing this. "It's not as bad as it sounds, Nick. You can do this, and it'll be good for you." Nick nodded.

"I know."

"I think maybe it's time for you to be taken to your room. You can go back next door to get your things, and a staff member will show you where you need to go." Nick nodded again, shoving his hands into his pockets and following instructions because that was all that he could do. He'd signed his entire life over to these people for the next few weeks or months… and he just had to pray that it would work.

**A/n: So it's official… I've hit crunchtime for the semester. I have a HUGE paper, another presentation (my FOURTH this semester), a lot of coursework, and three big tests coming up in the next month that I HAVE to do well on. So updates may be sparse at times – such as this week, because I have to get through a huge stack of library books AND turn in an Annotated Bibliography before Friday. **

**Anyways, I hope you all enjoy! I should clarify – I've never been in one of these facilities. My description of what happens in this chapter primarily comes from the documentaries I've watched about the Renfrew Center and Rhodes Farm. They're very informative pieces… definitely something I think anyone interested in learning more about ED should watch.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Nick was grateful when he heard one of the other guys calling his name, saying that he had a phone call. It had been difficult, feeling so isolated from everyone and everything he knew. The one thing Nick wanted more than anything else in the world was to hear Jeff's voice – he'd even called the boy's cell phone earlier just so that he could hear his voicemail message

Nick picked up the receiver as soon as he got into the booth, shutting the door so that he could talk in private. "Jeff?"

"_Hey_." Nick couldn't help smiling at the sound of the blonde's voice, even though he sounded exhausted. "_I'm sorry… I would have called back earlier…_"

"Don't worry about it… I'm just glad to hear your voice again." Nick bit down on his bottom lip, listening to the other boy breathe for a moment. "I miss you…"

"_I miss you, too, Nicky… I can't wait for August._"

"Campers driving you crazy yet?" Nick knew that Jeff had signed up for a summer of lifeguarding at a scout camp near his home. Which meant that the blonde would be surrounded by kids ranging in age from six to sixteen all day long, six days a week.

"_They're not that bad this year… the worst I've had anyone do is try to swim under the boardwalk. And they let us put up some plastic netting to keep the kids out after that_." Nick smiled, just enjoying the simple pleasure that came from hearing his boyfriend's voice until Jeff asked the question Nick had been dreading most. "_How are you doing? I haven't even heard from you until now…_"

Nick sighed; there was no point in lying to Jeff, because then he would just have to come up with another lie to explain why he hadn't made any phone calls in almost three weeks. "Not so great… I mean, I'm doing better now. But the first week was hard…" Nick really didn't want to elaborate, but he knew that Jeff was going to ask for clarification.

"_What do you mean? Are you going to be okay?_"

"I'm fine now. I just… I relapsed pretty badly the first week. I was… I was depressed and I didn't _want_ their help. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone. I think… I think part of me wanted them to give up on me, because I was giving up on myself. It felt so hopeless…"

"_Nick…_" Nick knew that he needed to tell Jeff the whole story, to let him know just how bad things had been. So that he wouldn't be too surprised if they somehow didn't get to start college together.

"They freaked out when they found out I wasn't eating everything like I was supposed to and that I was purging again… I was pretty much on lockdown until now. They… they put a tube through my nose, force fed me, never left me alone so that I couldn't get away to purge. I'm still working on it."

"_I wish I could have been there for you…_"

"I wish you'd been here, too." The truth was, somehow it was easier to keep himself from doing things that he knew would cause problems when he had Jeff there to remind him. "It's… it's easier when I'm with you. I remember _why_ I'm doing all of this when you're around. That I'm doing it because I don't want to lose you… because you mean more to me than any of this. The diet, my weight… none of that matters as much to me as _you_ do."

Nick could almost hear the tension on Jeff's end of the line. "_I would love you no matter how much you weighed. I want you to get healthy because I'm afraid that _I'm_ going to lose _you_. I want you to be okay, because I can't even begin to fathom how I would deal with losing you_."

"I don't think I've ever thought about it that way… about the way I've been hurting everyone else with what I've been doing to myself." Nick bit down on his bottom lip as he waited for Jeff to respond. Because he _knew_ what Jeff would probably have something to say about that.

"_Sometimes it's hard to see how what we do affects other people… especially when it seems like something that will only affect us_," Jeff replied. Nick smiled, wondering how his boyfriend had gotten so smart. "_The important thing is that you're getting help, okay? And I'm not going to abandon you… no matter what happens. I'm going to be here for you. Because I know that you would do the same if things were reversed._" Nick smiled slightly, knowing that Jeff was right. He would do anything to help Jeff, if it came down to that.

"I love you," Nick whispered. He could almost hear the smile in Jeff's voice when he responded.

"_I love you, too. They don't limit your phone calls, do they?_"

"Twenty minutes… but it's more out of courtesy to everyone else than an actual rule. As late as it is, they aren't going to be checking. But lights out is in like 45 minutes…"

"_Lights out? At nine?_"

"We wake up at like, six. For weighing and vital signs and stuff, before breakfast at eight. So they try to make us go to bed early so that we'll get enough sleep, since the whole point of all of this is for us to be healthy."

"_That just… seems weird._"

"It's just how things work around here. They plan everything out, try to keep us occupied when we aren't in therapy sessions or group or whatever. You get used to it."

"_Just as long as you don't try to make me keep those hours when we move into our dorm – I don't think bed at nine is going to work at college…_" Nick smiled, shaking his head.

"No… I actually hate it. I normally end up reading a book with my flashlight for a while, until I fall asleep. Nine is too early for me…"

"_Nine is too early for most people over the age of five…_" Nick smiled at Jeff's joking comment. "_I wish you didn't have to get off the phone that soon. I wish we could just talk all night, the way we used to at Dalton when we'd first get back from a break._"

"We've always just sort of been able to pick things right back up where we left off, even if we didn't really get a chance to talk while we were apart…" Nick added. "It's kind of one of the best things about our relationship. How easy it is to just _talk_ to you, to tell you things I wouldn't tell anyone else."

"_You didn't tell me you were having trouble eating…_" Nick sighed. He had a feeling that would come up.

"I wasn't even admitting that much to myself, let alone anyone else. God… even when I was in the hospital I couldn't admit that to myself. Not until you all forced me to see what was going on… forced me to stop running from what I was doing to myself and how much I was hurting everyone I loved."

"_I did it because I love you, because…_"

"I know, Jeff," Nick replied, cutting him off. He smiled slightly, sighing. "I know why you did it. And I appreciate it. More now that I'm actually getting help and I understand _why_ you did the things you did. I don't resent anything you did for me… mostly I wonder why you're even still bothering with me after all of this. After all the pain I've put you and everyone else through. Because I can't be sure why _anyone_ would be willing to put up with all of my shit…"

"_Because when you aren't acting like an idiot, you're amazing. And I'd rather help you through all of this than risk losing you forever… I can't stand the idea of going through with all of the plans we made junior year unless you're there to share them with me. Columbia, New York… none of that means anything to me unless I can share it with you._" Nick bit down on his bottom lip, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill over at Jeff's words. "_Those plans… that's the life I want to share with you. But it's not a life I want to live with anyone else, because the whole point in all of it is that we'll be together. You're not just my boyfriend, Nick… you're my best friend. And I don't think I could handle losing you as either one of those things._"

"I don't think I could do any of that without you, either… it's always been _our_ dreams, _our_ plans. The two of us. Together." Nick reached up, curling the phone's cord in his hand as he spoke. "I miss being able to sit there and talk about all of the amazing things we're going to do when we get to New York whenever we want. Being able to just _call_ you whenever the hell I want, just because. I hate that I can't even talk to you without potentially waiting hours for the phone to free up or praying that you'll happen to call between other people."

"_I know. I miss being able to talk whenever we want. It's making the whole long distance thing more difficult._" Nick sat up immediately at Jeff's words, suddenly concerned.

"What do you mean?"

"_Just that I miss you. That not being able to hear your voice whenever I want hurts… and I can't just call your cell and listen to your voicemail, for fear of filling your inbox and not being able to hear it when I _really_ need to hear your voice._"

"I feel the same way."

"_You're going to be able to call now, right? I know it may not be every day, but at least once a week or so, right?_"

"As long as I don't get myself into any trouble, yeah. And I'm trying to just keep my head down, work on my problems, and get the hell out of here as quickly as possible. I actually _want_ help, unlike some of the people here… hopefully that'll be enough to get me out of here quickly."

"_Just not too quickly, okay? I don't want you to fuck yourself over by leaving too soon…_"

"I know. They won't let me go before I've had a chance to work things out. The whole point is to treat the disease, not just the symptoms. That doesn't work in the long term, out in the real world. And the last thing I want to do is have to go through this over and over and over again because I can't take control of this situation and make this change."

"_Nick… wasn't this a control issue to begin with? Isn't that how you ended up like this, because you felt like you were out of control of your own life?_"

"Yeah, kind of…"

"_Then is it really a good idea for you to be thinking about it as a way of taking control? I just don't want you to exchange one vice for another or something like that… I don't want you to do anything that might cause you to hurt yourself again in some other way…_"

Nick nodded, even though he knew that Jeff couldn't see him. "I know. I just… I'm Type A, I _need_ to be in control of my life. I feel like I have to know what's going on, to have a plan for my future. I've always been this way. It's just now got to be taking control of my eating habits so that I can be healthy. So that I can make plans for my future that will actually happen." Nick started biting on his bottom lip again at the momentary silence while Jeff thought over what he'd said.

"_Stop biting your lip, Nicky… I understand what you're trying to say. It just worries me to hear you talking like that, because those are the kinds of things that you said before you started getting better and it worries me. I don't want to start college without you in the fall…_" Nick sighed.

"You might have to… if I'm not ready to leave, you might be in New York for a semester without me."

"_I don't…_"

"I _want_ you to go ahead to Columbia, Jeff. I don't want this to stop you from starting our plans," Nick replied, cutting his boyfriend off before Jeff could really protest. "It's not like it's going to be forever, okay? And I promise that if that happens, I'll join you in New York as soon as I can. As soon as I'm out of here, as soon as I can get it sorted out, I'll be up there with you. But you can't stop living your life just because I have to wait a little while longer to start my own life back up again."

The silence from Jeff's end made Nick nervous, and he started picking at the cord that connected the receiver he was holding to the wall because he couldn't very well continue biting down on his lip after Jeff had called him out for it. Although Nick still didn't quite know exactly _how_ Jeff had known what he was doing. Of course, Jeff had always been good at knowing when Nick was nervous or upset, and that was a nervous tic that Nick had been trying to stop for a long time.

"_I wish I could be there… I wish that I could hold you and comfort you, and tell you that you're going to be out of there in plenty of time to start school in a couple of months with me._"

"I know… I wish you were here, too." Nick looked up as he heard someone knocking on the doors that separated the phone booths from each other, signaling that time was almost up. "They're telling us we need to end our conversations… it's time to start getting ready for bed."

"_I don't want to stop talking yet…_" Nick smiled slightly at the fact that Jeff didn't want to end their conversation any more than he did.

"Neither do I… but I'm not really going to have much choice. I have to follow the rules, keep doing the things they tell me are going to help me beat this thing. And if that means I have to go to bed at ridiculous hours, or end our conversations too soon, then that's what I have to do," Nick explained. "I don't like it, but I'm going to do it so that I can get out of here and try to have as normal a life as possible." Nick glanced up as he heard another rap on the door.

"_You have to go now, don't you?_"

"Yeah," Nick replied.

"_I love you, Nicky…_"

"I love you, too, Jeff."

**A/n: So I started writing this, and it just kept going and going and going. But I suppose this will make up both for the time it has taken me to write this as well as some of my shorter earlier chapters (seeing as this one is nearly double the usual length). I have some ideas about what will happen in the coming chapters… not that I'm going to reveal anything to you just yet! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Jeff bit down on his bottom lip as he watched Nick picking at the food on his plate. It was the first time they'd seen each other since school got out – a birthday present for Nick from Jeff's parents – and Jeff had to admit that no matter how much Nick tried to reassure him that he was okay, Jeff was still worried about the situation.

"I know you're worried, okay? But I'm managing. It's getting easier to make myself eat, and I'm working on the underlying issues that are causing all of this… as much as I can, anyway…" Jeff glanced down at his own plate, getting a forkful of chicken to eat himself as Nick spoke.

"What do you mean, as much as you can?"

"My parents don't think that family therapy would help me, so they refuse to talk to my therapist for family sessions," Nick replied. "They… they mean well, but they don't really get it. That I didn't just develop this problem in a vacuum. That it had to come from somewhere, and they had a part in this even though they don't want to admit it." Jeff reached out with his free hand, putting it over Nick's as they both ate in silence for a few minutes.

"I can go with you to a session, if you want me to. If you think it would help," Jeff finally commented. "I'll do whatever you need me to do so that you can get better. That's the number one thing I want right now, for you to be okay." Jeff watched as Nick smiled.

"I don't know that it would really help that much… but I'd really like to have you there with me this afternoon. Even if it's just so that I can spend a little more time with you before you have to go home."

"I'm here for three days…"

"But not counting nights, when you can't be here, there's at least nine hours of that time we won't be able to hang out," Nick replied. "I know we're going to be living together again in a month or so, but I _miss_ you. I miss getting to sleep with my head on your chest, hearing you breathe and your heart beating. Knowing that you're going to be there when I wake up in the morning." Jeff smiled, nodding in agreement with Nick's words.

"I feel the same way about you… I want to have that again when we move to New York." Jeff squeezed Nick's hand gently, smiling at him and intertwining their fingers as they ate. "I can't wait to have you back full time… to be able to just talk to you whenever I want to hear your voice. I think that's the hardest part – that we can't just _talk_ to each other about our days every night. Like we used to."

"We will again, one day," Nick replied. "Maybe not in August, like we planned… but I promise you, I'm going to do everything I can to get there. Because I don't think I can handle being away from you for too much longer."

"You're stronger than you think," Jeff replied, trying to reassure Nick. The truth was, he sort of felt the same way – he didn't want to be away from Nick like this. He wanted to be able to talk on the phone and on Skype every night like they had the previous summer. To be looking forward to all of the things they were going to do in New York. Together. To be making plans that they couldn't really figure out until Nick was better. There were so many things Jeff wanted that he really couldn't have. Not yet.

Jeff watched as Nick laughed, shaking his head. "You've always been the person to believe in me the most… did you know that? Even from the day we met, when we moved in at Dalton, you've been the one to tell me that I can do everything I've felt overwhelmed by. AP exams, all of this… you're the one person that's always been there to tell me that I'm good enough or smart enough or whatever I need to be to get things done."

"Because I believe that's true," Jeff replied with a smile. "Every single bit of it. I liked you from the moment I met you, because I saw that you were an amazing person. Do you remember? The very first thing you said to me was a quote from _A Very Potter Sequel_."

"_You know what, kid… you're alright. Do you want a delicious… Red Vine?_ And then we proceeded to finish the scene until there was a group of guys staring at us through our dorm room door and both sets of parents thought we were involved in some kind of cult or something." Jeff couldn't help but laugh at the memory.

"And the next day when we woke up, the upperclassmen made us sing 'Granger Danger.'"

"And Wes overheard us, and made us go try out for Warblers," Nick replied with a smile. "It was kind of a crazy, how it all just sort of _happened_ like that. Kind of like it was fate for the two of us to room together and do _everything_ together for so long, until we figured shit out and finally got together."

"We kind of had our heads up our asses for a while," Jeff admitted. "I'm just glad we figured things out, before something happened that could keep us apart forever." Jeff leaned in and pressed a quick kiss against Nick's lips. "You should finish eating… we only have a few more minutes before you're supposed to be done." Jeff went back to his own plate, but he didn't let go of his boyfriend's hand.

"Promise me something?"

"What?"

"When I get to New York, _please_ don't impose a time limit like this on meals. I know I'm supposed to try and keep a limit to how much time I spend trying to eat, so that I don't use up more energy trying to eat than I'll get from the food. But twenty minutes isn't enough time… not for a normal meal."

"Okay… we'll figure out something a little more reasonable."

"Way to be non-committal," Nick joked. Jeff could tell that Nick was a little hurt by his failure to agree with Nick's request without questioning it.

"I just feel like I should understand _why_ they put that time limit on your eating before I say that yeah, we can just throw it out," Jeff explained. "I want to do what's best for your health, and we both know that you aren't always the most aware of what's best for you. I just really want you to be healthy again… I know I'm not going to have you back exactly the way you were before all of this, because this whole experience has changed things for you. For both of us. But I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you healthy, even if you may not like it too much." Jeff watched as Nick smiled slightly, squeezing his hand.

"I guess I can understand where you're coming from," Nick replied. "So I'm okay with you talking about it with Dr. Klein, if that'll make you feel more comfortable about the situation." Jeff nodded.

"Thank you. You know I'm just trying to help, right?"

"I know. I just… I don't want people to have to worry about me like that. And even though I know it's for my own good, it's not exactly something I _want_ to have happen."

"I know… I just want to see you happy again."

**A/n: Hey everyone! So I've literally written this in just a couple of hours (okay, well I did sleep in between, but it didn't take me **_**that**_** long), and I have to say that I'm sorry for not getting this up sooner! School's kind of insane right now, so I don't have a whole lot of time to write. But at least you know I'm working on all of this for you!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

"I just… sometimes I feel like my parents don't care, because they don't want to admit that there are problems here I can't work through on my own since it involves them, too. And I wonder why they're even bothering to pay for this when they clearly don't think it's necessary," Nick commented. Jeff had to admit that he was impressed with how much Nick could talk about what was going on in his head. That was something that he hadn't really seen when they were at school, even after Nick had started therapy.

"Have you tried talking to them about that?" Jeff felt Nick squeezing his hand as he thought about the doctor's question.

"I just… I've never learned how to talk to my parents. About anything. Before I went away to Dalton, I only really got to see my parents for a few days a month. The rest of the time it was nannies or grandparents or whatever they could figure out to just keep me out of the way. I was just an afterthought to them. I don't know that they ever actually loved me, even though they claim they do. It just… I've never known what it's like to be loved. At least, not until I got to Dalton and met my friends. Met Jeff. They were the first people to ever really care at me without being paid by my parents…" Jeff glanced at Nick, who was obviously upset by what he had just admitted. Jeff squeezed Nick's hand as the other boy tried to calm himself down to keep talking. "My parents were never around… and when they were, they were always too busy to spend time talking with me. They shipped me off to camp when I didn't have school… the only time I got any attention from my parents was when I did something good, like getting a good grade in school."

Jeff put his arm around Nick's shoulders as the other boy curled up, moving closer to him and letting his head rest on Jeff's shoulder.

"How do you think that's affected you?" Jeff didn't bother looking at the doctor, knowing that whatever Nick was about to say was more important than the question.

"I'm a perfectionist… I _want_ my parents to pay attention to me, so I try to be as perfect as possible all the time. I stress myself out over little things, things that shouldn't really matter, because I don't think my parents will love me if I'm _not_ perfect. Because they've never really seemed to care all that much… it's like I was someone else's problem if I wasn't the perfect little boy they wanted me to be. And I can never be as perfect as they want me to be…"

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm in love with Jeff…" Nick began. Jeff raised an eyebrow, confused about what Nick meant. If anyone had a problem with their relationship, it was news to Jeff. "My parents… they don't really approve of my relationship with Jeff. They don't say anything, but I overheard them talking before I went back to school last fall. About how they weren't sure that sending me back to Dalton was a good idea because they didn't like the idea of me being in a relationship with another guy. They don't even really talk about it… it's like if they ignore problems, they'll go away."

"But it isn't a problem…" Jeff began.

"For my parents, it is. I'm from North Carolina, Jeff… even in Charlotte it's not exactly socially acceptable to be gay. And I'm not even gay… but because I'm in a relationship with a guy, that's the assumption everyone is going to make, no matter how I try to explain that I don't _think_ of people based on their gender and that it doesn't _matter_ to me whether the person I'm in love with is male or female – that I just want someone that I can fall in love with. And that's what I've found with you."

"I love you, too," Jeff whispered, pressing a kiss against Nick's temple.

"Nick, how is your relationship with Jeff different than your relationship with your parents?"

"Jeff listens when I talk… he actually really cares. And he's been there for me through all of this, more than anyone else. He's been more like family to me than my own parents, because he actually wants to be here for me… they won't even _talk_ to you, and he was willing to come all the way out here. Jeff asks questions about what's going on, wants to know the truth about how I'm doing. I _want_ him to know what's going on, too. He was the first person I called when I got phone privileges, because it was _his_ voice I wanted to hear on the other end of the line, because I knew that he would really care about what I had to say."

"And you don't feel like your parents would care as much?" the doctor asked.

"Why would they? My parents don't understand this problem… that I'm struggling here because I can't really talk everything out the way I need to, because they don't seem to want to have anything to do with the conversation. It's like my dad thinks that just paying you to 'fix' me is enough… he doesn't want to acknowledge that he and my mom had a part in this, and that _you_ aren't capable of fixing my problems because _you_ didn't have anything to do with them starting."

"But Jeff didn't have anything to do with the root of these problems, did he?" Jeff bit down on his bottom lip and watched Nick's face.

"No… Jeff is here because we care about each other. And I think because he wants to know what he can do to help me…" Jeff nodded.

"We're going to be roommates next year at college… I just want to make sure I know what I can do to help him, because I don't want him to relapse. I just… I really want him to be okay, to make it through college without any major setbacks. I feel like if I know what he needs, I can take some of the stress away from him and maybe make it easier for Nick to stay on the right track," Jeff added.

"But you do realize that you can't keep it in control, right?" the doctor asked. Jeff nodded.

"Of course… it's still going to be up to Nick to keep himself on track. But I want to be able to help him do that, so that he doesn't need to come back here in the future. I know he's going to be fighting this the rest of his life, but he's going to need a support system and that's what I want to be," Jeff replied. He glanced down at Nick as the other boy smiled up at him.

"Thank you," Nick replied. Jeff leaned down and pressed a kiss against the top of Nick's head.

"I just… I want this to last. And it can't last long if you're risking your health to lose weight, when you were already perfect before you went down this path."

"You really thought I was perfect like that? Even when I gained all that weight after I got hurt?" Jeff shrugged.

"I didn't really care what you looked like… it wasn't something that bothered me, because you looked good to me both ways. The only time I haven't liked what I've seen when looking at you was when I realized what was going on with your eating disorder, because I could see the bones sticking out through your skin and I was terrified that something was going to happen to you. That I was going to lose you. _That_ was what I didn't like." Jeff watched as Nick bit down on his bottom lip.

"Nick, how does that make you feel?" Jeff waited as Nick shifted uncomfortably for a moment, clearly thinking about what had just been said.

"It… it's making me think. Because I sort of felt like I couldn't _let_ myself be that big when I was heavier, because I didn't feel like anyone could love me when I was like that."

"_I_ loved you like that. I love you no matter what you look like…" Jeff whispered. "But I do want you to be healthy, which is why I want you to do this… to gain enough weight to be healthy again, so that we'll be able to have a life together in the future." He watched as Nick nodded.

"I know. I want that, too. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen," Nick replied. Jeff pressed a kiss against the top of Nick's head again.

"And I'll be there to help you."

**A/n: So this is one of those chapters that make me VERY glad I took a counseling class in undergrad as part of my psychology minor. Because that's pretty much the only way I could write something like this with any degree of accuracy. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy; I'm going to try not to do **_**too**_** many more chapters, because I don't want to end up beating a dead horse and doing the same things over and over again. I don't have a definite plan, so I'm not going to say how many more chapters I'm going to write, but it won't be that much longer.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

"_I'm nervous._"

Jeff bit down on his bottom lip at the sound of Nick's voice, knowing that something was really starting to eat at the other by. Which once again worried him, because Jeff knew that whatever stress Nick was facing could have a negative impact on his recovery. Which was part of the reason Jeff knew he couldn't really tell Nick about his migraine – because he didn't want the other boy to worry about him, too. So Jeff sucked it up, trying to make his voice sound as though he wasn't feeling so awful.

"What's going on? What's the problem?" Jeff asked, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to figure out some way to make his head hurt less.

"_My parents are here… they're coming to take me out to lunch. Off property. And I really don't want to go…_"

"Why not?" Jeff asked, lying down across his bed. Despite the way his head ached, Jeff was glad he'd stayed home from work with this migraine so that he could be there for Nick, even if he was miserable.

"_My… my mom's flip-flopping so much about all of this. And I just can't deal with them… God, I just want to scream every time I even start thinking about all of this. About trying to deal with the two of them. I… I'm not sure that this is a good idea, but everyone tells me that I have to do it. That I have to learn to put up with my parents, because I need a support system. But they can't be that…_"

"I know it isn't what you want to hear, but have you tried talking to everyone? Your therapists, the nurses… have you tried to explain to them that your parents are a huge part of the problem?" Jeff asked.

"_They know… but they still think I should try to give them another chance._"

"Is that a should or a must?"

"_I don't know. I just… I want them to be part of my life, but I don't think I can handle that. Not right now. Not when I'm getting so close to getting out of here. Jeff… I can almost _taste_ freedom. I'm off plated meals, I haven't been under supervision for almost a month now. I'm getting better, getting close to being released. If this pushes me back into all of that again, I'm screwed._"

"I think you can do this, if that helps any," Jeff replied. He closed his eyes, wishing that his headache would go away. He wanted to be there for Nick, to talk through all of this, but the pounding in his head was making that almost impossible. "I'm going to be here to support you no matter what happens. You know that I've got your back. And I know that you can deal with all of this… you can handle this pressure, and I'll be here on the other end of the phone if you need to talk about something."

"_You don't sound like yourself… you sound tired. And it's morning…_" Jeff sighed; Nick had figured out that something was wrong, and Jeff knew from experience that the other boy wouldn't stop asking questions until he had an answer. And a real answer, not the type of half-assed lie Jeff would have gotten away with giving to any of his other friends in this situation.

"Technically it's afternoon here. I have a migraine, so I stayed home from work. It's nothing to worry about… you worry about making it through this lunch with your parents, and I'll worry about myself, okay?"

"_Okay. But make sure you're taking care of yourself…_"

"I do, Nick. I have Excedrin, plenty of water, and when we're done here I'm going to go back to sleep for a little while longer. Not that I'm trying to run you off, because I like hearing your voice."

"_But you need sleep more than you need a thirty minute conversation about how much I hate my parents right now… I get it. Would you want me to sing to you? Or do you think that would make you feel worse?_"

"If my head didn't feel like this, I would be _begging_ you to sing to me because I miss your voice. But right now even talking to you like this is making it feel like I have a jackhammer going in my skull," Jeff admitted. "I'm sorry I'm not more entertaining or helpful or anything like that this afternoon…"

"_Don't worry about it. We always talk about my problems… I haven't really asked about your life in a long time…_"

"It's okay, Nick… really."

"_No… it's not. I'm such a shit boyfriend…_"

"You're overwhelmed by what's going on in your own life, Nick. I get that, and I don't mind that you don't ask all the time about what's going on in my life. That isn't why I love you…"

"_But it's something I should be better at…_"

"Nick… you have so much going on right now that I can't even begin to imagine. I'm sick for one day, maybe two… just take care of yourself, and try not to worry about me unless I tell you there's something to worry about. You remember my migraines… they're nothing to worry about unless they last more than a few days, and even then they aren't that big of a deal."

"_You always say that…_"

"Because it's true," Jeff replied. He reached up, rubbing his temples as the pain started to increase. He was starting to regret even getting into this conversation, mostly because he felt like he was about to lose what little he'd managed to eat at lunch. "Nick, I'm sorry… I don't think I can talk anymore without being sick…"

"_Okay… don't worry about it. I should know better than to try and talk to you like this when you have a migraine. I love you,_" Nick replied.

"I love you, too. And I miss you."

"_Miss you, too. But I'll see you soon._"

Jeff barely managed to hang up the phone before he had to get up and run across to his bathroom, leaning over the toilet to lose his lunch. The worst part for Jeff was that he felt as though he'd failed by not being able to hang on long enough to finish his conversation with Nick. Because if he couldn't even manage to hold on long enough to help Nick through a problem like this, what good was he as a boyfriend?

**A/n: So I decided that we needed a Jeff chapter while Nick was at the center, showing that Nick isn't the only one having a hard time with all of this. So yeah, I hope you all enjoy!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I completely own Nick and Jeff (although I'm pretty much creating their personalities myself since we haven't gotten to know them too well on the show).**

Nick was so glad to be getting off a plane in New York, he didn't even really care that they were landing almost an hour behind schedule. Or that the other people on the plane weren't really moving all that quickly to get off. All that really mattered at this point was the fact that Nick was in New York and soon he would be meeting Jeff to move into their dorm room together. And that Nick was out of treatment and actually feeling good, for the first time in a long time.

Getting through the crowds to try and make it to baggage claim was annoying. Nick was just glad that he only had one bag – he'd had to come pretty much straight from Arizona to make it in time for classes to begin, so his mother had packed up most of his things and they were being shipped to school.

"Nick!" Jeff's voice carried across the baggage claim area as Nick struggled to pull his suitcase off the baggage carousel. He sort of wished that he could just leave the damn thing behind so that he could get to his boyfriend faster, but the clothing in his bag was sort of essential. So Nick just hurried as quickly as he could, trying not to trip anyone in his rush to find Jeff among the crowds. "Nick! Over here!" Nick turned at the sound of his boyfriend's voice, nearly colliding with the tall blond as he wrapped Nick in a hug. "Welcome home," Jeff whispered in his ear, before leaning down to press a kiss against his lips. Nick closed his eyes reveling in being able to actually kiss and hug and _be_ with his boyfriend like this – even if it was just making out in the baggage claim area of the airport because they couldn't wait to get back to their dorm room to get that kind of physical contact.

"Get a room!" Nick couldn't help breaking the kiss to laugh as he heard someone commenting on their makeout session.

"So, is that normal New Yorker behavior?" he asked with a smirk as they started out of the airport, Jeff taking Nick's bag from him and sort of leading the way.

"I don't know… I haven't even been here 24 hours yet," Jeff replied. "Don't worry… you haven't missed much. Most of the other people on our floor are moving in today and we don't have anything until later on tonight. Meaning that we have _all_ afternoon to get reacquainted…" Nick rolled his eyes at the suggestive way Jeff raised his eyebrows, laughing at his hormonal boyfriend.

"Jeff… you do realize that we haven't really done much of anything along those lines, and I've been gone for almost three months. I feel like we need to take all of this slow…" Nick replied.

"Hey, I wasn't saying we should have sex… makeout session is good enough for me," Jeff replied.

"I think we'll have _plenty_ of time for that."

**A/n: Don't hate me! I know, it's super short and I've sort of skipped some things that you might find important… but I'm thinking about a sequel (although I don't know how soon that will come about). Of course, part of why I'm bringing this one to a close is because I have another new idea that I just started on (I'm HORRIBLE about doing things like this!). So yeah, I hope you've all enjoyed!**


End file.
